Data

Clownfish spread a blue blanket out on the floor of the living room. He sat on the couch.

"Mommy, look its a swimming pool! Jump in!"

I obliged and sat on the blanket.

Clownfish pounced on my back from the couch and pinned me to the floor.

"Boobytrap!! It wasn't a swimming pool! I booby trapped it!!"

Made me think of this guy:



Data from the Goonies.

Stef: Data where are you going?
Data: I'm setting booty traps.
Stef: You mean booby traps?
Data: THATS WHAT I SAID! BOOBY TRAPS! God. These Guys!

Everything I know about contracts: offer (do you want wine?) + acceptance (yes please!) = liquidated damages

Colder than a witch's tit

My mom used to say that particular metaphor (analogy? surely not simile?) when I was a kid. Someone else I know recently dropped it in conversation and I was dumbfounded... I had never thought anyone but my mom used that particular phrase. Now it makes me wonder if it was on television or something in the 70s.

But my friend dropping it in conversation brought to mind a very particular childhood memory.

I remember my mom saying that phrase when I was very young . . . young enough that I asked her what a tit was. She asked what I thought it was -- a terrific parenting stall tactic, by the way, one I have used -- and I answered I thought it was the wart on the end of her nose (cuz all witches were green and warty, right?) She let me go on thinking that. But what I remember from that day was my mom barely containing her laughter at the absurdity of our conversation. And my knowing -- knowing -- from her laughter that my definition of tit was wrong. I knew that as surely as a little kid can know anything. But I did not have any means of getting the right definition, cuz I also figured out that I had stumbled into something naughty. I don't have a particular memory of when I figured it out, only of that day, of being wrong and powerless.

Anyway, its fooking cold, as my dad would say. And that's really the point of all this.

Shameless plug alert

Go vote for Namby -- he's been nominated again for the ABA Blawg 100 in the "lighter fare" category.

Vote here.

You have to register. Yes, that is lame. But do it.

Those of you who read legal blogs probably already read his.But not all of you are on Twitter, so I pulled some of my faves from his Twitter feed:

• I want the judge to do my dirty work. And I'm impatient. I'm like Veruca Salt with a JD. "I want the verdict and I want it NOW!"
• Out running. Because ambulances won't chase themselves. Nor will they slow down when I start to cramp up.
• When a judge farts in the face of justice, settled law and common sense, does it make a sound?
• Important oral argument this morning. 50 pages of briefs have been submitted thus far and my complex argument is "the statute says 'or'"
• It's not a productive workday unless I've printed at least 1000 pages. (I'm attempting to deforest the planet, one brief at a time)
• Being nice to opposing counsel is like petting a stray dog. Could be good for you. Could be a lost hand.
• Every time I watch Joy Behar, a little bit of my brain jumps to its death and becomes a booger.
• Practice pointer: It's "Plaintiff" not "Plain tit"
• My partner just authorized me to file a snark-filled retort to my asshole opposing counsel. My hand is shaking I'm so happy.

So go vote for Namby. Do it for truth, justice and the American way. Or for coffee, bouron and snarking the legal way. Either way

Vote here.

"Mommy doesn't make the laws, she helps explain them... she's like a Yoda of the law."

How Bullshark explained my job to Clownfish.

List of things my son has said lately that have left me a little agape

: "What you said was powerful mommy because I haven't done that since."
(after I asked him not to do something, then a few days later did a little check up)

: "You look better than gorgeous."

: "You."
(after I asked what was the best part of his day)

MILP #126: The Songs of GLEE Edition

The Weekly MILP (Moms In the Legal Profession) Roundup is hosted on a rotating basis between PT-LawMom, Butterflyfish, and Attorney Work Product blogs. We originally rounded up just the moms in law school, but then discovered that those women eventually graduate. Who knew? So now all the moms in the legal field (heh) are represented. We aim for Sunday posts. Next week is Pt-Lawmom.

This week's theme.

I received an email recently from a friend and long time reader of the blog:

You love Glee? Weird.
I replied: Glee is the greatest thing to happen to television since the Muppet Show.

I am not sure that is overstating it at all. Glee, for the uninitiated, is a newish show on Fox that chronicles a high school glee club. Yes, there is singing. It is often darkly funny, the songs are great and usually well sung, and the acting is hilariously painfully awkward at times. Yes, I love this show. I am probably not in the show's demographic (the case did a Hot Topic mall tour for goodness sake) but I don't care. So I thought I'd make this week's theme highlights some songs covered during each episode.

Without further adieu, this week's Roundup:

"Say A Little Prayer” NewLawMom is in exam mode.
Episode 2

“Take A Bow” Lag Liv deserves applause
Episode 2

“Maybe This Time” Delicious Torts is balancing a baby & law school... & blogging? Maybe.
Episode 5

“Halo & Walking On Sunshine” OutLawMama on being thankful
Episode 6

“It’s My Life & Confessions” Atty Work Product on her career and the legal profession
Episode 6

“Keep Holding On” Legally Certifiable on tough stuff
Episode 6

“Defying Gravity” My Sammie B learns what "reduced schedule" means.
* (new to my round-up list!)

. . . and finally, the ultimate Glee song:

“Don’t Stop Believin'” Cee says "Let this be hope to all those 1Ls who think they won't make it and will never seem like a lawyer- if it can happen to me, it CAN happen to you!"



. . . and that does it for this week. I like this theme so much, and there were so many songs I didn't get to use, I am probably gonna do a Round II next time I Round Up! That means you have time to figure out how you can write the post that gets the link off the Thong Song.

_____________________________________
If you’d like to have your blog added to the MILP blogroll for weekly review or would like us to consider a specific post, drop the hostess(es) an email or leave a comment at our sites. Expecting Moms in law school are welcome! Hat tip as always to the “original” Roundup — Beyond the Underground and the co-rounder-upper, Nobody!

The 1Ls are freaking out

How do I know?

• buy 1L memo.

This is the number one search term bringing people to my blog by several orders of magnitude. WTF?

Other search terms bringing people to my blog (with commentary):

• 1L memo
• 1L legal memo
• "batson v shiflett" memo
• 1l lrw memo
• 1l memo - dogbite
• 1l memo help
• 1l memo useless
• 1l nied memo (I actually wrote one of these... no you cannot have it.)
• 1l statute memos
• copy 1l memo
• duke 1l memo (way to keep it ethical, Duke.)
• iied memo
• legal memo 1l
• memo 1l
• recipe butterfly fish (that's just wrong!!)
• what is law review write on like (a lot like a 1L memo, actually.)
  

Advice: stop googling looking for a memo and just write the damn thing. Follow whatever model or instructions your prof gave you, do your best on citation format, and good luck. A year from now, you'll think 'wow, I can't believe I ever thought that was hard.'

Get it done and move on -- you've got finals you should be studying for instead of doing this memo which is probably ungraded or pass/fail depending on your school, and if it IS graded, it is certainly a small portion of what? A one or two credits class? F**k that. Get it done and study torts.

MILP #125

Atty Work Product had the Roundup. Back here next week

Mommy wants to know

I went on a bit of a Twitter rant this morning.

• How do the Thomas engines bend time? Rush & screw everything up, confusion & delay, & then arrive "just in time" #mommywantstoknow
• Why don't the Wonder Pets call child protective services? Animals keep letting their babies loose. "I was so worried" #mommywantstoknow
• Where the hell are Max and Ruby's parents? #mommywantstoknow
• How do Toot & Puddle afford those trips? #mommywantstoknow

Regarding Wonder Pets:

@googiebaba said: I've wonder this about the Wonder Pets. At the end, I always feel like, thanks for nothing mom....

My reply: I can cut the cow some slack --tornado-- but the penguin? the pigeon? the raccoon? the lamb? How do you lose a f**king egg?

There may be more ranting in this vein forthcoming.

I own Blackacre

Currently, I am reading about topics covered in first year real property. Fee simple subject to shifting executory limitations, that kind of thing. Its like studying for the bar exam again, except now it really matters that I get it right and there are no multiple choices. I spent an hour today combing through the first restatement of property. Tomorrow, I am going to read some more restatement and then I am going to go through more real property treatises. So armed, I will then delve into the case precedent, most of which will probably date from the turn of the century. I am pretty sure I am going to get to drop a footnote regarding the rule against perpetuities.

Don't let anyone tell you that you don't need to know this shit in the real world, kids.

Everyone who learns I have this assignment feels sorry for me. Little do they know that this is the most exciting thing I have worked on since I started this job and I am enjoying the challenge.

That last sentence was completely un-ironic. Then again, long-time readers of this blog know that I have always been a bit of a real property geek.



(Hmmm, I guess most of my 1L posts regarding my real property geekdom were taken down in the great archives purge of 2009. Run of the mill adverse posession and easement humor, but your loss, new readers. Sorry.)

What You're Missing

This pretty much captures my Twitter feed:

Yeah, so I just tweeted a legitimate #law related tweet followed by a #Glee tweet. Next I'm gonna tweet about my kid. That's how I roll.


A sample of November tweets:

Its like my internal cd player is on repeat.(I am not cool enough to have an internal iPod.) Get out of my head, Singles Ladies!

Overheard on childrens' television: "It's too big to fit in there." & "It won't be empty for long."

Coworker: "I would never have guessed you're 34." "Wow, thanks." Her: "Well it's cuz you don't wear a lot of makeup to cover... ummm..."

Officially admitted lawyer in State 1, passed the bar in State 2. Call me Esquire, bitch!!

Overheard at work: "I've never seen a memo so poorly written. How is this ass employed when I can't even find a [better/different] job?"

Overheard on childrens' television: "You're sitting on Bob's wood, Mr. Crab."

Just had her ass handed to her in "Memory" by a five year old with the flu

"And now we know I'm a terrible person." This is how I will follow up all tweets like the last one. Thanks, @divineangst

(If you want to read why I am a terrible person, I guess you'll have to look at Twitter.)


Also:

For those who did not know, someone writing a Twitter feed got a book deal and a possible television pilot. Outrage captured in comic form as well as by the inimitable Wendi Aarons.

MILP #124

PtLawmom had the round up. Back here in two weeks.

100,000 visitors will probably happen today

Comment! It could be you!

Men have no idea

Bullshark: Hey, good news . . . we may be able to go to [a huge gala] [out of town] during the first week of December.

Me: Yay!! OMG! I'm gonna need a dress! *frantically googling plus-size ball gowns*

Bullshark: Well, I'm not sure we have tickets yet. I can let you know next week.

Me: You mean you can let me know less than seven days before the event? Right before Thanksgiving weekend? And you expect that I can get a dress and shoes, not to mention babysitting and hotel and time off work and transportation all lined up on that kind of notice?

Bullshark: Yes.

Me: *headdesk*




To be fair:

He did come up with the babysitting/transportation solution, providing my sister is amenable to it. And he is trying to get a definite answer an the tickets sooner. But how I am supposed to find a gown on two weeks' notice that (1) doesn't make me look like a beached whale, (2) is appropriate for the event and (3) is affordable is beyond me. Any plus sized women with suggestions?

And God bless the men and women serving overseas that they may come home safe to their families....

Clownfish says this as part of his prayers every night. This morning I was flipping past CNN news on the way to whatever mommy-approved kid programming dreck I could find on cable when Clownfish said:

CF: "Are those guys serving overseas?"

CNN was showing some soldiers in Afghanistan, laying down some machine gun fire.

Me: "Yes. That's who you pray for every night."

Tonight, we were putting him to bed when he said:

CF: "Papa, I saw some guys serving overseas on television."

I briefly filled in the context.

CF: "That's where you were when I was two? You missed my second birthday party."

Bullshark: "Yes. When I left you were just a little guy... you couldn't even hold a spoon correctly. When I came back, you were a big two year old."

CF: "I think serving overseas is more important than going to parties."

______________________________
This happened on 11/1/09. I post-dated it for Veteran's Day because it seemed appropriate.

Edited to add: In light of the recent tragedy at Ft. Hood, maybe we'll have to change our prayer to protect service people everywhere, even when they're supposedly safe here in CONUS.