Wednesday, September 02, 2015


Clownfish, my son, turned 11 years old this week. Eleven. I don't even know how that is possible. I mean, I'm not tall, but he's almost as tall as me. I am so so blessed by him, truly.  He's such a good boy -- smart and talented and friendly with a sarcastic, dry wit. He's also anxious and sensitive and I can't help feel like that's my fault. I find that I'm too often sharp and critical in ways that I don't like. Still working on it for both of our sakes.

Angelfish is now 4 and a half. The half is important. She has strong opinions, likes to give the right answer first, and can command a small army of friends to direct at play. She is currently into Octonauts and wants to know everything about sea creatures.  Her teachers have used words to describe her behavior like bossy and interrupt. I'm choosing to think of it as leadership potential and assertive.  But she has a tone in her voice when she tells her sister to do something. It sounds a little too much like the worst of me.

Lionfish is home sick today, the poor thing. She's 3 and almost 1/2. She and AF are now in the same preschool class. It is actually working out pretty well. Next year will be hard because they'll be in separate schools.  This summer she became obsessed with an episode of Backyardigans where Pablo was an evil villain who controlled robots to get whatever he wanted. His name was Professor Bug. His key song s "I get whatever I want."  Long story short, Lionfish now has her own Professor Bug costume (homemade) and went as a villain to super hero day at school. I think I aptly named her for the blog, don't you?

I turn 40 in about a month. Forty. FOUR. TEE. I mean, I know I'm not 20 anymore. Dear God people, have you hung out with a 20 year old lately? *shudder* But I remember when my mom was 40, and I just don't ... ok, yeah. I can see it.

This blog turns ten next spring. I don't feel like I've been doing this for almost 1/4 of my life. I feel like law school was just a little while ago. But I have classmates who have been in the profession long enough to be considered acknowledged authorities on a subject, or who have gone in-house, or who have opened up their own well-regarded shop, or who have made partner. There are judges younger than me. So yeah, it has been that long for real. 

I'm not doing anything like that. I mean, most days I like my job, but I sometimes wonder whether it is enough. I am not beating my head against the wall for justice or even helping clients, and I think maybe I'd have more satisfaction if I were. But then again, maybe not.  I have sick kid today, and I can sit here and type a blog post while she naps. That's not nothing.

We have water in the basement in places where water should not be. If you have the option to not have water in your basement, pick that option. I would not recommend this to anyone.

I am cooking eggplant tonight. Allegedly. It is really really hot today, though.

Thursday, July 16, 2015

More pie

I have been super busy at work. Like, taking work home and skipping lunch busy. I know that can be the norm for many attorneys, but part of the reason I do what I do is so that it's not the norm for me.
But. Here we are. The award for killing it in the pie eating contest is more pie.
Not complaining.
Not unhappy.
It's just the state of things at the moment.
It won't last forever.
But I really should get better at packing healthy snacks I can eat at my desk. Woman cannot live on coffee alone.

Sunday, May 17, 2015


Bullshark and Clownfish went to his super early soccer game. The team tied. It rained. I dozed on the couch. 

Later, the rain stopped and we went on a family hike in a state park. We hiked all the way around a small lake. We've never been to this park, and it is in our town, so we felt kind of dumb that it took us this long for us to get there. Most of our family hikes in state parks end in us changing impulsively to a more advanced trail, followed by an ill advised descent down a rocky terrain.The girls are real troopers. Highlight was finding a frog and scrambling over rocks. 

Ran errands.

Today, we took the kids mini-golfing. Lionfish loved picking up the ball, putting it near the hole, and hitting it in. She declared many holes in one.

Went out for ice cream.

Did lots of laundry.

Watched two Disney movies (Tangled and Princess and the Frog.) (This is how I make breakfast in peace. Don't judge me!!!)

Good weekend. I need more of these.

Friday, May 08, 2015


Had a few opportunities to shine at work in front of important people. The work product itself was excellent. But I flubbed the interpersonal. First opportunity, I had a spasmotic coughing fit and had to leave a big meeting before it was over to find my inhaler and not die. Meeting broke up before I got back. The second opportunity -- smaller group, more talking -- I was just sort of awkward and inadvertently criticized someone.

Reality: probably no one noticed or care about the coughing thing -- I felt it coming and excused myself to the hallway before it started in earnest; probably no one perceived me as awkward as I perceived myself, and I apologized immediately for the misunderstanding perceived as criticism so it was probably no big deal. People really do think less about you than you think they do.

But my internal monologue just keeps telling me that I suck and that I should just crawl back into my cubicle and not attempt to talk to people.

Tuesday, April 28, 2015

What you're missing

Some things from the twitter.

(Angelfish) 4 year old just told me that love is stronger than anger.
(April 26)

(Angelfish) "Hans you are a bad guy. You want to kill Anna. And Elsa. I want you to be allergic to something and I give that to you." 
(April 18)

(Lionfish) Almost 3 yo, apropos of nothing: mommy did you know that horsies poop? big poop!
 (April 10)

Again with the Frozen:

Could say: "Elsa, fear is your greatest enemy. But love will help you keep those powers under control." Doesn't. Elder Troll is an asshole.
(April 4)

I love how the bad guy in Mulan never acknowledges she's a girl. He calls her the soldier from the mountains. Gender matters not. Ass kicked
(Mar. 28)

Clownfish scored in the top 5 in school science fair and is moving onto the state competition. Big week for him.
(Mar. 25)

Lionfish and gleeful defiance:
Me: Wear PJ pants. It's cold.
LF: pouts. 
Next morning: "Mommy when you closed door last night I took off my pants!" *naked legs!* 
(Mar 24)

Angelfish again:
My four year old uses the word splendid now. She's deep in princess manners mode. It confuses and frightens me.
(Mar. 15)

My son is struggling to hit a high F with his trumpet this morning. My neighbors love me.
(Mar. 10, at 7 a.m.)

I hate everyone and everything. *looks at calendar* Oh good, it's PMS induced irrational rage day!
(Mar. 2)

Transcript lines of the day:
Judge: *long debate short* Don't say it to jury. 
Self-rep criminal defendant, to jury: I'm name, private attorney general. 
Judge: *headdesk*
(Feb. 8)

Thursday, April 23, 2015


I drafted a post. Updates on the kids, me, work drama. Before I hit publish it occurred to me to ask ... who am I writing this for?  The blog has ceased to be any kind of good record of life with the kids. The few readers I have are also my Facebook friends (who see the shiny side of my life) and twitter followers (who see my bouts with self-doubt, anger, selfishness, stupidity, and occasional humor).
A few of my fellow MILP bloggers are still at it, and I try to read (and even occasionally get comments to work on my phone).

But I don't know whether I have anything left to say here.

Thursday, January 08, 2015

Sooo, six months later

I am still alive.

My kids & husband are fine.

So, here's the deal. I don't presently have a laptop or other device from which I can conveniently blog. But that's only part of it. Blogging became less of a priority. I mean, obviously. Cobwebs around here.  From over 100 posts per year, to 23(!?) in 2014, most of which were MILP roundup links before it just ... stopped. Yeah.

But ... I miss it. I miss my bloggy friends, even though the best of you are also my Facebook friends. I miss having a place where I catalog the mundane and wonderful and terrible moments of motherhood. I never did develop a good way to write about my job or the law in general in way that felt both authentic and safe, but I miss the idea of that writing.

Work continues to be deeply unsatisfying, but my youngest daughter woke up with a fever and I was able to stay home today without a moment's hesitation, so I have too much to be grateful for to complain. Pip pip chin up and all that.

This isn't a comeback. But it isn't a farewell either. It's an update.

Lionfish is awake from her nap.

Be well.

Tuesday, July 08, 2014

Happenings: Me edition

After ten years in this house, we are finally attempting a kitchen remodel. It's a good thing too, because the dishwasher and refrigerator broke in the same week. It's as if the entire house is screaming "enough already!" Pretty damn exciting around here. Sure, our fridge is in the dining room and we're pretty much grilling and/or toasting, but exciting.

* * *
We're in week two of a different CSA this year. Also, because June was just gorgeous, we have the most awesome garden we ever have grown. We have tomato plants over five feet tall and covered in green fruit, as well as cucumber and zucchini plants with blossoms. Bullshark even through in some new things, like celery and radishes. And everything is taking off.  Right now, we have lots of lettuce in the fridge. A LOT. Lettuce with sliced almonds and craisins and red wine vinaigrette dressing has been my go to lunch for days, and yet, there is always more lettuce.

* * *
I'm on my summer 7:30 to 4 schedule and my commute/work life is so much more tolerable now.

* * *
There is a rumor of a possibility of a job opening sometime in the near future -- a job I would like a lot, but one that would result in a substantial pay cut and not much more in the way of work-life balance or other trade offs. At least, I am pretty sure it would be a pay cut, but I am attempting to gather intel. Stay tuned.

* * *
Speaking of the job, my new duties as Project Manager of (something huge) have taken off. It's nice to be the go to person for something, but I don't get paid any more for the extra hassle, and the work is often mid-numbingly awful. Pretty much everyone I tell about my new responsibilities (even when I put my post positive spin on it) says "ugh better you than me." Yay me. Regardless of whether I apply for something new, I'd want to see this through to the end ... the same grim determination that kept me from running screaming from the classroom each day during my final year of teaching, I suppose.

* * *
I've gained weight. Like a lot. Not all of it. But a lot. This makes me sad.

* * *
Iced coffee regular. I still love it.

* * *
I discovered hard apple cider. Angry Orchard Crisp Apple. Summer in a bottle.

* * *
Tweets, from the twitter:

Coworker who has been out sick for a week stumbles into my office & sticks out tongue to show me that its swollen/coated so I can tell boss. So inappropriate, so gross, and now I am wiping everything in sight with Lysol wipes. Ewwww.

 My mom visited and brought wine... white Zinfandel like its 1997 and I don't know any better. Ahh memories.

Transcript line of the day. Divorce case. Judge: I don't watch reality television but seriously ... have you two applied for your own show?

 Continuing saga of 'who let me mom on Facebook': At three a.m. she is liking photos I posted in 2009.

 Ever have one of those moments when you're like WHEN DID I BECOME THIS? My Sunday: Soccer, play date at park, Target, driving a minivan.

 Why do i bother doing dishes when they're only getting used again tomorrow? I mean I probably have a weeks worth of clean wine glasses so...

Monday, June 30, 2014

MILP #353: Dollar Short Edition

Week ending June 29.

The Weekly MILP (Moms In the Legal Profession) Roundup is exactly what it sounds like. We're moms. We're lawyers. We blog. And a rotating group of fabulous hostesses rounds it all up each week.

This Roundup is a day late. And I often feel a dollar short. So I'm calling it a theme.

Magic Cookie. The terror of the day late when you're not planning on a third kid.
Mommy & Sin City. Bank manager training leaving her feeling wanting.
Shannon. Seven hours in a car, kid-free. And money on the highway.
FOTD. The rooms of happy kids never look like the Pottery Barn catalog.
Lag Liv. Investment: Best. Cammo Pants. EVAR!! Also, kid awesomeness.

A little harder to fit in the theme, but here are other posts of the week:

Queen of Hats. These milestones need their own book. Some serious TRUTH up in here.
Daisy. Busy week, hopefully followed by some lazy time.
Dinei. Lactating is funny. Pizza is delicious.
Alice. No sick days for a mom.
Kate. Time for reflection and answering the "what do I want to do" question.
RG Wraps up June with kid pics and birthdays.
Grace: Two years post-op checkup for Lis.
HBE. Stay Baby. 24 weeks.

Apologies for missing anyone. Will attempt to post something of substance soon. You can always find me on Twitter -- I can post quickly from my phone, which I just can't do here. And my basement computer (where I am writing this) is on its last legs. This post has crashed three times since I started drafting.

The weekly Mothers In the Legal Profession Roundup is hosted on a rotating basis at the ButterflyfishGraceBJJ, Law, and LivingMommy and the Sin CityMagic Cookie,The Reluctant Grownup, and Perspectives of a Hard Boiled Egg blogs.

Monday, June 23, 2014

Sunday, June 15, 2014

MILP #351

Reluctant Grownup had the Roundup for the week ending June 15.


Monday, June 09, 2014

MILP #350

Magic Cookie had an "in her own words" version for the week ending June 8.