MILP #237

Atty Work Product had it. 

Some new bloggers have decided to join the rotation -- they're probably people you're already reading, so you'll see it anyway.  But never fear, you can always check here and I'll direct you to the Roundup each week.

Every day is a gift

I spent Sunday at a wake for a man aged about 50 -- a father of four sons aged about 16-24, a husband, a brother to three sisters, a son to an elderly mother.  He disappeared about a week ago.  No note, no clue.  Everyone frantic, speculating, praying. He was found a few days later.  He had killed himself.

I have a history with depression. I don't write about the thoughts that used to consume me.  But I didn't realize how far away from the blackness I was until this weekend, because I couldn't mount an iota of sympathy for him.  None.  I look at the people he left behind, the mess that they're in both emotionally and financially, and I feel nothing but anger.  He had the days before him and he... opted out?  I guess.  Fucking idiot.  

My friend's father is the same age as he was.  He's fighting brain cancer, with the worst possible prognosis. But he's fighting. 

Susan, from Toddler Planet. I ... don't have the words. (Disclaimer: Read LL's comment below before you click.)

Every day is a gift.

See, look, I'm posting again

I passed my glucose tolerance test.  Time for a cookie.

We are having dinner this weekend with this friend.  Nope, I'm sure it won't be awkward at all.  We've had it on the calendar for two weeks.  I almost had to cancel to go to a wake.*  I decided to avoid the drama and go to the wake on Sunday afternoon. 

We're teaching Clownfish how to play Risk.  Bullshark has decided that the best way to teach him how to play is for Bullshark to completely dominate the globe and do happy dances when he takes over a new continent.  My last stand in Greenland occurred days ago.  Bullshark offered to let Clownfish surrender and serve in his global army. Clownfish said no and fought to the last man.  He finally lost his last battle in New Guinea.  At least he had a nicer climate to defend.   

* (Not someone I was close to personally, but a family friend.)

Should I go to law school?

Proto Attorney and Dinei and CM posted these "should I go to law school / why I went to law school" posts, and suggested that others do it so applicants can see a range of experiences.  Those three ladies are role models as far as knowing precisely what each was getting into, and what each wanted out of a legal career.  You should read their posts.  Also, you should read this post from Lag Liv on what it takes to steer your legal career toward your dream job.

Because I'm no role model.  I stumbled about blindly and found myself happy.  Unsustainably underpaid, yes.  But, for the time being, happy.

I had always wanted to go to law school, but even now I can't give you concrete reasons as to why.  I didn't know any lawyers growing up.  I never worked with or for a lawyer.  I definitely liked the idea of a profession where I'd get paid to think for a living... to problem-solve, but without the math.  I didn't think about the business of law, or what kinds of clients I'd like to serve, or what the day to day of lawyering looked like.  I just had this thought that I could go to law school, develop my skill set, and find a spot in the profession that worked for me.

When did I make the decision to apply?  When we first moved here from Texas, one of my criteria was local grad school / law school.  In my heart, I knew I was changing careers eventually, but wasn't sure what that would mean.  Eventually, I took some time off from full time teaching.  I gave birth to a Clownfish. I was working in the test prep industry and cobbling together a few part time jobs and tutoring.  I was teaching LSAT prep.  Learning how to teach LSAT prep was the most fun training I had done.  Teaching the classes and hearing from people talk about why they decided to go to law school made me say "what's it hurt to take the test ... for real?"  Next thing I knew, I was admitted to the only two schools in my market to which I applied, and the lower ranked school offered me a sweet scholarship.  

There is an old saw about people who love law school actually hate lawyering.  I loved law school.  I mean, sure I bitched a helluvalot on this blog... it was challenging, it was different, it was an intrusion on the life my husband and I had built, and we didn't always handle the hurdles well, which was stressful.  But I'd kind of love to have the chance to do it over, and enjoy it more ...  and skip Labor Law and take Crim Pro this time.

I spent a lot of my 2L fall on the expected treadmill, stumbling through OCI interviews at law firms, clueless and uncomfortable at callbacks.  (Many of those posts didn't survive the post-grad purge... sorry.)  It was like I was trying to (literally and figuratively) look good in an ill-fitting suit.  It didn't work.  But I didn't have a particular passion for, say, advocating for children or criminal prosecution or securities law or real estate transactions.  So I was the worst kind of job seeker... directionless, having some sense of what I didn't want and a vague sense of what I did. 

Again, read the posts by the other bloggers, because they went in with their eyes wide open, and had a very good sense of what they were looking for. 

I found the work that I do now almost totally by accident.  And it is a perfect fit for me, at least for the time being.  I'll write more about that in a separate post, to keep this from getting ridiculously long.  I'm very, very lucky.  But my advice to law school applicant is this:  do your homework, have a sense of purpose, and don't count on dumb luck.

Angelfish, age 1

This is a quickie post, but I needed to preserve some of these memories.

Angelfish turned one.  She has started to say a few recognizable words.  She has a giant stuffed tiger Clownfish gave her for Christmas.** She loves it -- she wrestles it and cuddles with it with her thumb in her mouth.  And she calls it Tah-gur.  She also says Hi.

She points to everything, as if she wants us to name it.  It appears as if she likes to test to see if we consistently tell her the same answer each time she asks... yes, that magnet on the refrigerator is still a moose.

She currently is obsessed with Sandra Boynton's Oh My Oh Dinosaurs book.  On the page where the dinosaurs sing a dinosaur song she does a little dance, and when the dinosaurs wave goodbye, she waves too.  She has a specific sound that means "read this again please" that sounds a little bit like again.   She'll make me read the book six or seven times in a row, and gets increasingly agitated with each reading, anticipating what will happen, wanting the pages to go faster. She'll start waving "bye" two pages before the end.  I put the book back in her bookshelf in different places.  Sometimes, she pulls out another book. But every day, she finds the dinosaur book. And we read it. 

She has taken a few independent steps, but she is still just omgsoclose to walking.  Sometimes she likes to stand in front of me while I read the dinosaur book to her, and she turns the pages and squats and stands.  Its like a little workout while she's reading/listening.

Food frustrations abound.  Sometimes she likes what we give her, but not in the order she's receiving it.  A few more words in that expressive vocabulary will help.

** (No, its not Ian. He had more than one giant stuffed tiger. Thank you, in-laws.)

MILP #236

Ptlawmom had it, even though she had planned to take a Roundup hiatus. 

We really do have to figure out what we're doing here, soon.  More on that... eventually.

Pregnancy update

I'm seriously sad that this is my final pregnancy.  I feel like I haven't been "enjoying it" or "appreciating it" as much as I should.  Yeah, it was unexpected. And its hard to "navel gaze" about pregnancy when you've got a baby to contend with.  But I've been making an effort lately to be in the moment, in the pregnancy, while I can.

In other news, my pregnancy acne is back.  My face is all red and yucky.  It is about the only thing I don't love about pregnancy.  Yes, I know, according to WNWlitigator and others, this makes me mentally ill. :-)  Its a very individual experience, but my experiences with pregnancy -- not childbirth, not the losses, not getting pregnant, but the physical state of pregnancy itself -- have been awesome. (Except for the acne. Oh, and the persistent nausea/vomit reflex.)  


I'm finally using button extenders and my belly band -- on my size 16 pants.  Heck, I can still wear some of my 14s with the button extenders.  Victory is mine.  (Last pregnancy I was rocking the 18/20s throughout, which was still an accomplishment, because I didn't have a net gain of any weight last pregnancy -- I was just much bigger when I conceived.)  My weight has stayed pretty steady for the last 15 weeks or so, but my belly has grown. 

In other words, I'm totally hawt and rocking my "bump revealing" maternity tops. 

I'll try to get some pics of my hawtness up (maybe on FB?) this weekend... Angelfish turns 1 on Thursday.

MILP #235: Reality TV Show pitches

The Weekly MILP (Moms In the Legal Profession) Roundup is hosted on a rotating basis between Butterflyfish, Attorney Work Product and Attorney at Large blogs... and some players to be named soon! We originally rounded up just the moms in law school, but then discovered that those women eventually graduate. Who knew? So now all the moms in the legal field (heh) are represented. We aim for Sunday posts.  Yeah, I'm late.

I always say that I don't watch reality television, but the truth is that I am just really selective about the reality television I watch.  Does Mythbusters count as reality?  Cuz I watch that.  Cooking competitions (Chopped? Top Chef?) Yes!  Self-involved wanna be celebrity types? (Kardashians? Jersey Shore?)  Hell to the No!!  People bidding on storage lockers?  Umm... I plead the fifth.

So I got to thinking... what if I looked at the blog posts from this week as a pitch for a new reality television show?  Which ones would I watch?  Let's find out...

• Reluctant Grownup.  Watch the weekly tribulations of fitness, vegetarianism and bar prep. 
• Nonsense & Frippery.  Bar prep, teething Bosun and no sleep... hilarity is bound to ensue.  
• Lag Liv.  A Biscuit explores the world of shoes, starting with ruby red stilettos. 
• PtLawmom.  Looks forward to good things in 2012, including more sex. 
• Cowgirl in the City... at the rodeo with a baby!  Cows in the urban environs. Moo! 
• Fumbling for Truth.  Attempting to communicate with an 11 month old one meal at a time.
• LEO.  Food wars.
• Izzie. Adventures in birthing in foreign countries. 
• Wild Northwest Litigator.  She's back to litigating, and now with a view! 
• SammieB.  Inchstones and imagination. 
• L C.  Quilts, plays the flute, exercises... and (maybe) ignores her mom. 
• Magic Cookie.  Setting limits and saying no (a must see for the overachievers!)
• SuzieJd searches for a legal job after Biglaw, and practices her negotiating skills with her teenage daughters

Truth? I'd probably watch all of them!  How about you?

If you are a regular blogger in the MILP circle, and would like to help host the weekly roundup, please let us know.  Drop a comment or email or facebook message... we'll reach out with a schedule ... maybe later this week-ish?

A little blue

Things I haven't been blogging about...
... my good friend got drunk at New Year's and, completely uncharacteristically, went off on me about how I've been too busy to hang out and I don't make enough of an effort to be a good friend.  When her husband tried to intervene she said "no, I've been saying this to you for years... its time she knew."  So... clearly not just a drunk tirade.  It went on for a while, and I didn't say much.  The whole thing was hugely upsetting for many reasons -- some of it was probably fair and true, which made me sad, and some of it was unfair and untrue, which made me mad, but I wasn't arguing with her at that moment -- and the whole thing has really thrown me.  

... Work is good. I think something that I worked on is gonna get reversed on appeal.  I mean, my part in it wasn't huge, and I have nothing to do with what happens in the appeal, but I don't like the idea of being "wrong."  I mean, it could be upheld too.  Time will tell.  But I have a bad feeling about it.

... Angelfish is omgsoclose to walking.  She may have taken three steps at daycare today.  I may pretend that didn't happen.

... There is a CLE I really really really want to attend. They're bringing in a speaker that I might never have the opportunity to see otherwise.  But its an all day thing, about a week of my due date, and its pretty expensive.  Logistically, probably not gonna happen.

... I am a little panicked about summer.  I'll be home with a newborn, an 18 month old, and an almost 8 year old.  The girls, I can make work.  But my son is going to want to go places, like the beach or a pool.  Most of his friends will be at day camps, so I can't count on play dates.  And I don't think, with me not working, we'll be able to afford camp for him.  So what this comes back to is what it always feels like it comes back to for me these days... money.  It gets me down sometimes.

So... not spiraling in a pit of depression or anything -- lots of blessings: 25 weeks pregnant; days away from Angelfish's first birthday; everyone is reasonably healthy -- but not been feeling my best either.

MILP #234

Atty Work Product broke the hiatus.

If you are a regular blogger in the MILP circle, and would like to help host the weekly roundup, please let us know. It's time for some new blood! (Some of us old blood need a break.)

If we have like 8 of us, I'll only have to come up with a theme every other month... meaning I might actually do it :-)

Snippets

Senior Partner hears my hacking cough.  Him: "You should try tea with brandy. I may have some in my desk." 
Me:  "Umm... I'll stick with honey, actually.  I'm expecting after all."
Him:  "Oh right. And forget I said anything about the brandy."

* * *

My seven year old son runs with a good crowd. He and two of his friends each checked out a copy of Shel Silverstein's A Light in the Attic from the school library, so they all read it at the same time.  Clownfish has also read "The Missing Piece" and I own pretty much the whole collection, so Clownfish has plenty to keep him busy over the break.

* * *

If you have a last name that is a common enough first name like Xavier, isn't it nuts to give your son a first name that looks like a last name?  There's a kid in my daughter's daycare named the equivalent of Murphy Xavier.

Sick day

Woke up late after being up coughing most of the night. Again. Contemplated taking a half day, going in late, rest a little and doing a little clean up this morning in advance of Christmas. Then I walked into Angelfish's room to find her playing with last night's dinner, which she had thrown up at some point during the night. She's in reasonably good spirits and has no fever, but I guess I'm staying home today... without the rest.