I just made my son bleed. I was going to cut his nails and I started at the pinky and he was being cooperative and I don't know if I was inattentive for a second or he moved, but I cut his finger. He bled like a stuck pig. I've never seen so much blood from such a little cut. And he cried, oh did he cry. And since it was right before bedtime, he was tired, so he cried even more.
So I am feeling like a bad mommy.
Today was my last class in legal skills for the semester. I turned in the memo (yay) but I somehow managed -- in my countless revisions -- to put a section in the wrong spot. It was too late to change it. I doubt it'll count much toward my score, but I'm feeling like shit -- I can't even follow simple directions. Today was my last class in civ pro too. I don't know why, but I am feeling so incompetant in civ pro. No one can understand my confusion -- "its so mechanical, just apply the rules." But -- and this could be because its been at the bottom of my priority heap for at least the past two weeks, and possibly longer -- I am confused as hell as to how I am supposed to write a passing exam, let alone a good one.
So I am feeling like a bad mommy AND a bad law student.
Oh, and Bullshark has been irritated with me. Its kind of difficult to have a long distance marital dispute. I think its resolved, but it leaves me feeling... like a bad wife.
I guess you can only half ass your way through so many things before it all catches up with you.
And I am out of wine.
Well at least you can easily take care of that wine issue you are having.
ReplyDeletePlus, I think making us feel incompetent is part of the law school training. You know, tear you down, build you up.
Can I be in your club? Cuz I feel like a bad student, wife and step-mom. ha ha
ReplyDeleteAfter finals are finally over, I think I want to go for a whole BOX of wine! :)
I'm sorry for your rough day. I remember well how much law school made me doubt my value/capability as an intellectual/lawyer/person, etc. (truth be told, it still does sometimes). I guess my only words of comfort are that it happens to all of us. I had *several* mental/emotional meltdowns throughout law school, but my family still loves me, and my friends still love me. Thank God for the patient people in our lives!
ReplyDeleteHang in there. Your first set of finals is a BIIIIG hurdle. You're bound to feel some major stress. This, too, shall pass.
A wise person once told me kids are designed to be raised by regular, mistake-making people.
ReplyDeleteThat's good, because I've made tons on my son Bob. I'm thankful that I'm within his design specs.
Good luck on exams. I'm stressing over mine too, at a state that will remain anonymous but which looks like a lot like Florida on a map.
Not to diminish your guilt... but was this just the first time you'd nicked him while cutting his nails? 'Cause it's a parenthood rite of passage. Every parent I know has drawn blood while clipping nails. Hell, my husband did it on 2 occasions. The first time, he was so freaked at the amount of blood he called the doctor. So please don't feel too bad. Your kiddo certainly won't remember it.
ReplyDeleteNo, this was the first time I did it and
ReplyDeleteA) he bled THAT MUCH ... I mean ran under cold water for 5 minutes and still bleeding and
B) he had the capacity to talk and say heartbreaking things like "mommy hurt (clownfish). no mommy hurt. (clownfish) sad."
THAT is guilt inducing
They say Mommy that hurts. You hear Mommy YOU SUCK! Oh, do I hear you! Sorry about all that. :) THe worst one for me was once when I clipped my daughter's baby love handles into her stroller belt. Oh the screaming and the bruising... I felt so bad I almost threw up.
ReplyDelete