F**k square 87
Queen Frostine is a slut, gingerbread men come at inopportune moments, square 87 can kiss my ass, and other lessons from Christmas.
In case the above didn't clue you in, I played lots of CandyLand and Chutes and Ladders and other pre-schooler-type board games over Christmas. Only considered a dozen different ways to end my own life.
There are 100 squares in Chutes and Ladders. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to get to #100. And you can feel good while doing it -- you do some "good deeds" and you climb ladders. You eat cookies like a naughty urchin and the chutes send you down the number line. But you don't actually have to be guilty of these offenses -- when the spinner of fate lands you on the dreaded Square 87, your ass is back in the low 20's, thus prolonging the pain.
Its the ultimate Mommy blasphemy to say you don't love love love board games with your sweet cherub, but I don't. He beat my brother and I in his first game of CandyLand. Between the two of us "adults" we've probably got 40 years of experience playing the game. Clownfish double purpled and Gumdrop Pathed his way to victory. We got f**king pwned by a noob.
Clownfish didn't gloat too much. His "victory dance" only lasted a minute or two. It involved a lot of butt-shaking and air-spanking. And really, its cute that he yells "who's your daddy, bitch!" every time I get sent down a chute or stuck in licorice. Really, it was the running-around-the-house for "High Fives" from all the relatives as he sang "Mommy got pwned" that started to grate on the nerves.
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Ok, truth. Clownfish is awesome to play with -- he doesn't cry when he loses and says "Good game Mommy" when he wins. And I do enjoy spending time with him. But the games themselves? Hot poker through the eye is more appealing, if only because the pain eventually stops.
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I had a friend recently tell me my blog is funny, you know, when its not sad. I've decided to call that a compliment.
Also no additional grades have posted yet to lift my spirits / send me looking for the nearest bottle of liquor. Rest assured, when they do, you'll hear about it.
11 little fish:
We used to stack the deck on Candyland so my nephew would win quickly and put us out of our misery. That worked until he went through a phase where he didn't like the picture cards. His favorite games right now are Life and Monopoly, even though he's only 5. He gets tired of the games quickly - his favorite part is setting up the board and handing out the money. I have a feeling we're going to be pwned at Monopoly soon enough, though. :-)
You're a lucky Mommy. My child screamed, cried and stomped off in a huff every time his Daddy won. His games are now in the closet for the next 48 hours. Sigh... I almost begged Chapin to throw the game, but I guess that wouldn't be sending the best message.
ugh, square 87. that was the bane of my existence.
although...referring to losing at Candy Land as getting "pwned by a noob" made me laugh SO HARD. that was fantastic.
ha ha, I know how you feel. The games are ok maybe the first or second time but after you play them five times in a row-- not so fun anymore. And playing CandyLand with a three year old who still doesnt know his colors- not so fun. :)
candyland and chutes and ladders are the best games ever!
actually, one of my favorites was always mille bornes.
Hey, dude. I've been meaning to leave a comment, but your comment on my blog finally motivated me.
Anyway, it sounds like you're all discouraged about the job hunt and law school and all that stuff. All I can tell you is that, speaking as someone who's been through all of that, you can't take it personally and you can't start thinking that your grades or your unemployment mean anything about you as a person, student, or lawyer. All it means is that you didn't give some professor what he wanted or that some firm's too full of themselves to hire you. It's not about you, it's about them. So keep your head up and don't let it get to you too much.
Dicta! Mille bournes is a favorite in my family as well- I didn't think many people knew about it. It's a great one!
nice...i've been keeping an eye on the game on ebay. in the one we have all the coup fourrés are torn and taped up, so it's pretty obvious.
(Sorry to take over your comments bff)
Dicta- your comment brought back too many good memories, I had to get my own copy of the game. I just ordered new off Amazon for $14- they had it used for as little as $8. Our Christmas had a major board games theme and this will just continue it :) Thanks for the reminder! -LL
Ok, I am going to have to look into this game now.
And LL, never worry about "taking over" the comments. Just don't discuss your airline seat reclining controversey here -- not sure I can take that much traffic LOL.
Haha- that was crazy, wasn't it?! Given all that's happened over the past few months, it's rather incredible that that post is in my "Top 5 Most Commented".
Mille Bornes really is a great game, so is Sequence if you haven't checked that out.
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