Monday, December 31, 2007
This year is a little different though, because the new year coincides with the new semester. I am half-way done with law school. I have only three semesters left. So, a little revolution is in order.
I've been feeling really pretty good for the past few weeks -- and I'm not one of those *squee I love the holidays* kind of people -- but I look back on this semester as a black cloud. Like 2006 was hard in its own way, with Bullshark gone. But though I had sad days, I plodded through, one foot in front of the other, until it was over. And I don't look back on it as a terrible awful no good very bad time.
Fall 2007 was hard in a different way -- it was marked by the kind of fuzzy-headed paralysis only those who have been truly depressed can understand. I mean, I was functional. I showered and got dressed every day, I fed Clownfish, I went to classes, I diligently prepared for my interviews and did all my law review commitments.
But nothing stuck. Nothing stayed in my head. I often didn't read for classes because doing so was completely pointless... my brain was elsewhere anyway. It wasn't dwelling on dark, secretive, evil thoughts. I just didn't feel really present in class, or when I talked to my husband, or when I spent time with my son. I don't know where I was. I was just... elsewhere. And its going to show up in the grades. Family Law was just the beginning.
But it is what happened, and I can't change it now. I can't describe it better than that. Depression sucks. Anyway.
My goal for 2008:
Be invested in the present. Enjoy classes. Enjoy the luxury of being in school. Enjoy the externship and the journal commitments and yes, the stress. Success will come if I just stop trying to define it by other people's standards.
Happy New Year to all. See ya in 2008. Which is tomorrow.
Sunday, December 30, 2007
It is hosted on a rotating basis between PT-LawMom and A Little Fish in Law School blogs. We aim for Sunday posts. Next week, it'll be back at PT-LawMom's place.
This year, the holidays brought the MILS everything they ever wanted, and many things I am sure they didn't, such as:
Holiday cuteness. Lag Liv
Holiday chubbies. 2L Wannabe
Double jeopardy. Peanutbutter Burrito
Rampant commercialism. Law school mom
Vacation (all I ever wanted! sing it!) & guilt. Pt Lawmom
Dramamine. Frequent Citations.
Waxing about bikinis. Lag Liv.
The joys(?) of snowboarding. Juris Mama
A MILS and baby in needs of prayers. From super holiday cuteness to nightmare in a matter of days. You're in our thoughts, Cora & Proto Attorney & family.
If you’d like to have your blog added to the MILS blogroll for weekly review or would like us to consider a specific post, drop the hostess(es) an email or leave a comment at our sites.
**Hat tip as always to the “original” Roundup — Evan Shaffer’s Legal Underground and Divine Angst.
Thursday, December 27, 2007
In case the above didn't clue you in, I played lots of CandyLand and Chutes and Ladders and other pre-schooler-type board games over Christmas. Only considered a dozen different ways to end my own life.
There are 100 squares in Chutes and Ladders. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to get to #100. And you can feel good while doing it -- you do some "good deeds" and you climb ladders. You eat cookies like a naughty urchin and the chutes send you down the number line. But you don't actually have to be guilty of these offenses -- when the spinner of fate lands you on the dreaded Square 87, your ass is back in the low 20's, thus prolonging the pain.
Its the ultimate Mommy blasphemy to say you don't love love love board games with your sweet cherub, but I don't. He beat my brother and I in his first game of CandyLand. Between the two of us "adults" we've probably got 40 years of experience playing the game. Clownfish double purpled and Gumdrop Pathed his way to victory. We got f**king pwned by a noob.
Clownfish didn't gloat too much. His "victory dance" only lasted a minute or two. It involved a lot of butt-shaking and air-spanking. And really, its cute that he yells "who's your daddy, bitch!" every time I get sent down a chute or stuck in licorice. Really, it was the running-around-the-house for "High Fives" from all the relatives as he sang "Mommy got pwned" that started to grate on the nerves.
* * *
Ok, truth. Clownfish is awesome to play with -- he doesn't cry when he loses and says "Good game Mommy" when he wins. And I do enjoy spending time with him. But the games themselves? Hot poker through the eye is more appealing, if only because the pain eventually stops.
* * *
I had a friend recently tell me my blog is funny, you know, when its not sad. I've decided to call that a compliment.
Also no additional grades have posted yet to lift my spirits / send me looking for the nearest bottle of liquor. Rest assured, when they do, you'll hear about it.
Sunday, December 23, 2007
Me: Ok, let me tuck you in. Get Ian (*the Tiger*) next to you.
Clownfish: No, Mommy Ian doesn't want any blankets.
Me: Ummm, ok (*this being a change from the usual*) Why?
Clownfish: Because tigers have fur. They don't need blankets.
Next thing you know, I am going to have to make the Tiger special lunches and watch out for slightly twisted snow sculptures on the lawn (his oeuvre was monochromatic).
My kid is turning into Calvin.
Friday, December 21, 2007
Clownfish is a big fan of letters. When we're in the car, he points to all the random letters he sees. He loves the first letter of his name especially and points it out most enthusiastically.
But he is not such a big fan of attempting to write letters. He has a whiteboard easel with markers (chalkboard on reverse -- most awesome gift for a three year old by the way... they can work on the fine motor while standing and moving... just keep tabs on the markers).
He's still in the draw big circles and dots phase, which is fine with me. I'm not rushing him, even though several of his little classmates can already write their names. With regular pencils. Legibly! At three!
I did decide it was time he learned to spell his name at least. So he could recognize all the letters, not just the first. Clownfish has an amazing memory for anything musical -- he hears a song once and recognizes it the second time, sometimes days later, and throws in a few words from the chorus.
His first name has 7 letters, exactly the same as each line of A-B-C-D-E-F-G (the Twinkle Twinkle Little Star tune). So we just changed letters to the ones in his name. And sang the whole tune, over and over a couple of times.
Now you can hear him in the car or around the house or while playing with his trains, happily belting out the spelling of his name.
He wants me to "sing" other words like bear and horse and dinosaur so he can learn to spell them too.
I'm gonna have to work on this . . . song suggestions from the mommies would be helpful.
Thursday, December 20, 2007
I had applied for a very cool fellowship.
Just got rejected... didn't make it past the first round screening.
Not terribly surprised, but I thought I'd at least make it to the interview stage before they rejected me. You know, to keep with the theme.
(Never fear... the "bitterness" is almost entirely tongue-in-cheek at this point.)
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
Butterflyfish: now officially halfway done with law school. *clap clap clap*
I guess its time I figure out exactly what I want to do with my law degree, now, huh?
Oh, and find a job for next summer.
And work on my note, which has languished for well over a month, though I have to have it substantially complete by early January.
Can't I enjoy victory for one night?
Sunday, December 16, 2007
Do you run across any of the same issues that the MILS write about?
Does a DILS ever agonize between going to class and staying home with a not-quite-sure-if-he's-sick kid?
Do DILS ever feel guilty for going to school? Or feel like their missing out on some wonderful moments with their child while they hide in the basement and study on a Sunday afternoon?
Do DILS ever feel selfish? Conflicted? Fulfilled? Frightened? Resentful?
Saturday, December 15, 2007
The Weekly MILS (Moms In Law School) Roundup is the brainchild of Saramel (retired).
This week: If only they tested MILS on what they really know:
- 2L Wannabe knows why law students become alcoholics.
- Googiebaba knows how to beat the curve.
- PT Lawmom knows a truth of the MILS experience*
- Proto Attorney knows baby bliss.
- A New Duck knows sexy lingerie.
- A New Duck also knows Telephone Tahoe.
- Butterflyfish knows cosmetics.
- Lag Liv knows her seat cushion becomes a floatation device and common courtesy.
- Magic Cookie knows Dumbledore likes woolen socks too.
- Andrea at Peanutbutter Burrito knows the answer is always in the form of a question.
- Law School Mom knows how to delete mean girls.
*That is, of course your child wakes up early on the day of your closed book exam and won't go back to bed no matter what and your spouse is away, and you're trying to memorize the Restatement because you have to cite it even though its a closed book exam! (Same thing happened to me last year!)
If you’d like to have your blog added to the MILS blogroll for weekly review or would like us to consider a specific post, drop the hostess(es) an email or leave a comment at their respective sites.
**Hat tip to the “original” Roundup — Evan Shaffer’s Legal Underground and Divine Angst
Friday, December 14, 2007
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
The zen attitude to law school finals: I am hoping for a butterfly (an A) but put lipstick on a caterpillar (B-) and I will be happy.
Nope. Lipstick is a B. A B- is a caterpillar sans lipstick, and that won't make me happy, no matter how cute the little bugger is.
Monday, December 10, 2007
Sunday, December 09, 2007
Saturday, December 08, 2007
Set up tree and all the fun family traditions that go with that.
Didn't think about exams at all, which is awesome.
Talked to my mom and I am supposed to be going through the "double-you, double-you, world wide" to find her a specific song she heard on the television.
He brought in a container of chocolate yogurt and three spoons, one for each of us.
Clownfish: I get a surprise for us.
Me: Ok, sweetie (*adding balls to tree*)
*rummaging in the kitchen, chair being dragged across floor*
Clownfish: Look what I got! I got us a snack!
I love this kid.
Monday, December 03, 2007
Its enough carats to feed Bugs Bunny.
Her arm must get tired. I'm tired just looking at the thing.
It looks like a ring pop.
Captain Planet lives in that thing.
Sunday, December 02, 2007
Look what Grandma got me!!!
Today that meant blinking shoes, bubblegum lollipops (from which he was banned until age 5), and some toy cars.
Could have been worse. Could have been a puppy.
Saturday, December 01, 2007
It is hosted on a rotating basis between bloggers PT-LawMom and A Little Fish in Law School blogs. We aim for Sunday posts, though I'm doing it early to focus on exams.
This week's theme, for the 1Ls approching exams: Torts and Defenses.
Torts I'd like to see:
Valid defenses to anything:
Love Lag Liv
Prengnacy Knocked up & in law school
Living the dream Peanut Butter Burrito
Not a MILS but a terrific posts about BigLaw perquisites ("perks") that I think the MILS should check out. Ana at think like a woman, act like a man