Tuesday, February 17, 2009

They're not insane delusions, they're marketing strategies

I am thinking of taking a guerrilla approach to my job search. You know, use some really aggressive marketing strategies. Aggressive, as in not bound by the rules of professional ethics, common sense, or good taste.

So far I've got:

  • Resume air drop.
  • Muffin baskets with my picture on them. Muffins wrapped in resume.
  • Get resume printed on toilet paper, break into law firm, change toilet paper.
  • Get Ron Popeil to do late night infomercial about me.
  • Sandwich board like that out-of-work Wharton-educated banker in NYC that I saw on Yahoo front page. Step 3 involves getting on Yahoo front page. NB: May involve nudity.
  • Obtain an auto-dialer. Program it to dial law firms. Call them. A lot.
  • Find hiring partner's house. Try to replicate how Harry Potter got his Hogwarts letter. NB: May involve owls.

Additional suggestions welcome.


  1. LOL! OMG...the sneakily installing the toilet paper with your PICTURE on it! LOVE THAT!!!

    People (the kind that make hiring decisions) that have kids love their kids, more than anything. If you can get their kids to love you - like get them free concert tickets or something - then the hiring person will love you too. Seriously, the more you help others, the more they'll be inclined to help you. Not sure how much help muffins are, though.

  2. Dude - try wearing something that shows major cleavage, and putting your resume right on your bewbs. That would be hawt.

  3. there are still a lot of people who love the old-school Ron Popeil, but plenty of others who love the new-fangled abrasiveness of Billy Mays or Vince Offer. try and get all three of them in your stable for MAXIMUM RESULTS! ACT NOW! :-)

    /me loves absurd TV pitchmen just a little too much.

  4. ha ha ha!!! these are GREAT ideas!!! I love them! I also like Trannyhead's suggestion- lol! Good luck, I might even try one or two :)

  5. I LOVE the Harry Potter idea. Awesome!

  6. I like the muffins idea. It's sweet, and I think it could work.

  7. May I also suggest shaving your head and selling the space to firms who are looking to attract clients. Or, if use the space yourself to bring in new business, someone's bound to hire you, right?