Beginning to smell like exam time

Enviro Law exam prep away messages:

NEPA: we grab you by the procedural balls and squeeze because we have no substantive balls.

I have the short term memory of a Delhi sands flower-loving fly.

RCRA is a whole lotta shit.

Overheard in law school:

Female: God, law school has made you sooo nitpicky.
Male: ME?!?! You spell check my instant messages!!

Happy Blogiversary to me

My first post. April 27, 2006.

Three years. My husband does not understand this at all. He never has. I know why I started. But most of those reasons are gone. So why do I keep going? I don't understand that either I guess. I'm not too self reflective about the whys of blogging. Its just something I do.

But I do know its at least in part because of the dialogue, the community, the comments. So thanks for reading, for being part of it so far.

Stats:
685 published posts.
83,223 visitors.

MILP #95

Originally posted at OND. Re-posted here for posterity.

Welcome to the MILP (Moms in Legal Practice) Roundup #95. The MILP Roundup is hosted on a rotating basis between me, Butterflyfish, and PT-LawMom. Next week's roundup is back at Butterflyfish.

I'm going to publish the laziest possible roundup ever. Here's how it works. I've gone to each MILP blog, closed my eyes, and copied a random section of text from the blog. This is either entertaining or incredibly lame. You tell me. Here it is:

• Butterflyfish: Bea Arthur, you'll be missed.
• 3LWannabe: I want to eat it. But, normally I find this fruit in the refrigerated section of the grocery. Will I, should I, dare I eat it?
• A Year in the Life: Keep them locked in until they're ready to come out.
• PT-LawMom: Then had to do The Walk out to my truck in PJ bottoms, lacy red underwear and a shirt. Yeah, that was fun!
• Dakota: Even as he is reviewing material, he keeps saying, "Remember when we talked about...? Wasn't that the case....?"
• And You Know What Else: Hello, evolution? Could we work on this please? Thank you.
• Zuska: When we finally got to security, one of the very official military-esque security guards barked at J to go outside and dump her water and said “have that guard out there check it before you come back in.”
• Leo: On Sunday, they don't open until NOON. You know why? Because you're supposed to be at church.
• Frequent Citations: I'm trying to concentrate on that pretty ride and the hope of another this weekend to distract me from the news of the day, and the amoral idiots who are making me spitting mad.
• Proto Attorney: I'm also hoping to not burn up all lobstery.
• LagLiv: The study is done, courtesy of a gallon of "burnt copper" paint, Ikea Billy shelves, Ikea desk, Target filing cabinets, and a lot of late nights, toiling after work and cursing my idea of painting all the trim dark brown.
• Tranny Head: I looked like I was pregnant with 30 year old twins.
• Lawyer Mama: If my blog were a friend, I'm sure she'd feel like a high school girlfriend, only useful to her best friend when there's drama in her life or the best friend's guy's ex starts talking trash at the high school football game.
• Legally Certifiable: My accent comes out when I am trying to be sympathetic. And I tend to make a face that implies that I don't believe what anyone is telling me--which isn't such a great thing when examining one's own client.
• Magic Cookie: Fish pancakes!
• Peanut Butter Burrito: Oh, and poo issues. No details needed.
• Cee: Except he is old. And he forgets who passes each day.
• The Menagerie: Blogging via phone in the nursery.
  

p.s. - I cheated a little. My eyes were open. Just a little bit.

Tee-ball season!!

Today is the first day of tee-ball! Of course I have to leave practice early to make it to my business tax review, but I am kind of excited to see Clownfish's new team. Its and 3 and 4 year old league, and last year, as a 3-year-old, he was occasionally intimidated by the bigger, faster kids. This year he gets to be the big bad almost-five-year-old that he is!

He has just informed me he would rather do "coach-pitch" because he is a big boy, but I had to tell him his birthday is too late in the year for that. Too bad, because he could totally do it. He's a baseball bad-ass.

It is possible I am more excited than he is.

He just ran by in his hat and practice isn't for another hour.

It is still possible I am more excited than he is.

Lies my parents told me

This started as a comment at CM's place, but it became a little long, so I decided to post it here instead.

My dad has a birthmark on his arm. He convinced us (for years) that it was a pirate tattoo and that he met my mom on a pirate ship.

My mom had a picture of her dad (my granddad) next to of those cardboard celebrity cut outs (Ronald Reagan as it happens) -- she sent me to school with it. I told everyone about how my Irish grandfather knew the President. I got into a fist fight with the kid who didn't believe it was real AND yelled at my teacher for questioning its validity. My mom had to come pick me up. I got in trouble. She never did admit it wasn't a real picture.

Not quite a lie my mother told me, but worthy all the same. My mom showed a picture of me with a cousin to a bunch of my 5th grade classmates and tried to convince them he was my boyfriend. I tried to argue/correct it but it was in front of people and Mom did not take kindly to being contradicted in front of other people. Later, I asked her why she would do that to me and she said it was because she 'felt bad' that I didn't have a boyfriend. She was trying to "help." Oh, did I mention that one of my classmates was also my neighbor and knew the boy was my cousin? And that anyone else with a brain could figure it out because we both have red hair? Yeah.

Mom had issues. Probably came from her years as a pirate.

MILP #94

PtLawmom shamelessly rips off pop culture in this week's Round-Up. I'm... so proud. (*tear*)

Can you find it on the Google?

I went to visit my folks this weekend and my mom specifically requested I bring my laptop so I could find something for my Dad. That part didn't work out -- turns out that the on-line records for "unclaimed funds" don't go back to 1998. Yeah, I probably could have told her that had she asked over the phone.

Anyway, since I was "using the Google," I showed my mom her house on Google Earth. She ran outside and asked if I could see her. When I explained it was a still shot taken a while ago, she was upset: what if I were sunbathing naked on the deck??

Are there erasers for mental images you don't need? Meh, who am I kidding, my mom has a waay hotter body than I do. Oh God, that is sad... and I just admitted that on the Internet.

I did make her really happy by showing her a very grainy shot of her sister's house in Ireland. Sadly, I couldn't do that for my Dad--his family is in Galway, and Google Earth just shows that in forty shades of green.

Awesome regardless

Dueling away messages

Mine:

Trial practice + alcohol = awesome

Classmate's:

Alcohol - trial practice = more awesome

Things that made last night's class awesome:

Female classmate who decided that we girls should drink nice red wine instead of cheap beer.

Professor on three beers before closing arguments.

Objection! Grounds? Ummm... withdrawn.

"Expert witness" drones on for four minutes about qualifications, degrees, publications, etc.
Objection! Grounds? How do we know she's qualified?

Yep. I think I'm gonna miss law school.

Rings

Clownfish and I were reading one of his planet books. He is pretty excited about planets and we're thinking of getting him an inexpensive telescope for his birthday if he's still excited by the end of August. He's got a cardboard planet mobile hanging from his bedroom ceiling and glow-in-the-dark stars stuck to his bed. He likes spewing the random planet facts he knows ("Jupiter has a lot of moons but we only have one moon." "The sun is bigger than all the planets and is hot." "Meteors are rocks that fly through space and crash into planets.")

This morning:

CF: Looks at Saturn and says, "Saturn has rings. Hey Mommy, are there any rings on Earth?"

Me: "You know there are no rings around the Earth."

CF: Points to my wedding band: "No Mommy, there are LOTS of rings on Earth... like that one!"

I love this kid.

MILP #93: Movies of 1993 edition

The Weekly MILP (Moms In the Legal Profession) Roundup is hosted on a rotating basis between PT-LawMom, A New Duck, and A Little Fish in Law School blogs. We originally rounded up just the moms in law school, but then discovered that those women eventually graduate. Who knew? So now all the moms in the legal field (heh) are represented. We aim for Sunday posts.

Clearly, I missed the deadline. Write it up to my stalking the Easter bunny.

This week's theme: The Movies of 1993

This is the year I graduated high school. I checked out this list on Wikipedia and discovered that 1) I had seen waay to many of these movies and 2) there were a lot of sequels in 1993 and 3) I couldn't find posts to match some of the best movies of 1993-- Jurassic Park, The Firm, Mrs. Doubtfire, Sleepless in Seattle, and the Pelican Brief. You'd think that some of them would work really well, considering Moms in the Legal Profession and all. Oh well.

• Body of Evidence. One New Duck knows Crawford.
• The Fugitive. (Formerly) Knocked Up and in Law School is fighting crime.
• Philadelphia. Lawschoolmommy discusses same sex marriage in Iowa.
• Hot Shots! Part Deux. Lag Liv is back in school.
• Look Who's Talking Now. Apparently, K at Magic Cookie and Pumpkinhead at PtLawmom.
• Indecent Proposal. 3LWannabe asks the unthinkable.
• A Class to Remember. Newlawmom on winding down 1L.
• The Remains of the Day. Andrea at Peanut Butter Burrito get time off.
• Addams Family Values. Creepy and kooky at Cee's place.
• Cop and a Half. Like you needed another reason to watch Cops. TrannyHead.
• Groundhog Day. Things that annoy Shelley, really, because I couldn't do Schindler's List here.
  

Meh, they're not all gems, as WA likes to say.
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If you’d like to have your blog added to the MILP blogroll for weekly review or would like us to consider a specific post, drop the hostess(es) an email or leave a comment at our sites.Expecting Moms in law school are welcome! Hat tip as always to the “original” Roundup — Evan Schaeffer’s Legal Underground and his co-rounder-upper, Nobody!

Trial redux

Sooo much better than when I hilariously and disastrously went out for mock trial. I have learned a lot since then.

We lost, but we didn't have the facts or law on our side. We came close on the breach of k issue, but even winning would only have netted us basically nominal damages. He said in 10 years, the few times the plaintiffs won this trial, the most they got was $10 grand. Our jury would have awarded $8 grand if they found in our favor. Which they didn't. But its ok.

I think I responded to a legitimate objection ("Leading the witness") with a very mature, measured and professional ("Was Not!") response.

The judge/prof turned to one of the witnesses and asked him if he liked Dick. Yes, he absolutely did it on purpose. The guy is hilarious.

Went out for post-trial celebratory drink. Law girls may or may not have rocked the Bon Jovi Livin' on a Prayer karaoke. It may or may not have been horrible, shriek-y, and exactly what Simon Cowell is always bitching about.

But it is over.

Trial

Opening statement. Check.

Direct exam. Check.

Know how to introduce evidence. Check.

Cross exam. Check.

I have this great pinstripe suit I have never worn. I bought it on sale over a year ago figuring I would lose enough weight to fit into it. I finally have.

Suit. Check.

Oh, its on people.

It. Is. On.

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Compromise: I'm calling him Dick once, by his last name the rest of the time. Could not get the one doing his cross to go along. Just as well. We'd never keep a straight face.

Trial practice

My trial is this Thursday. Worked on the opening today. Facts favor the defense. I'm plaintiff. Defense's main witness, whom we must portray as a sleaze, is named Richard.

It would probably be totally inappropriate to refer to him as "Dick" throughout the entire opening, right?

Thought so.

Stolen Lines #3

There's something that I've been thinking about and wondering about and I'm very curious: am I the only one who knows?

I never see anyone in there, even at exam time when the library is pretty crowded. It is tucked away in a corner of the basement between rows and stacks. It looks pretty nondescript. Could be a storage closet. I suspect if others know it is there, it is a secret they keep. But there are drawbacks. First, it is a little inconvenient. Maybe that's why I feel as if I am the only one who knows... no one else bothers. Also, it is a little awkward. Maybe no one else wants to walk brazenly through the reading room with the couches to get there.

But I do it. I'll trade convenience for privacy any day. I am probably not the only one who knows. But I am also not telling anyone else. How could I? "Hey, anyone else know about the awesome bathroom in the library basement? Great place to go #2!"

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Per Grace: "I stole the first line of this post from Then We Came To The End, by Joshua Ferris" And maybe link back to me so people can understand the point of the post.

I have decided to make all of my stolen lines posts law school related, which adds to the challenge.

Funny thing is, he's never even watched the cartoon

Bullshark is out of town for the weekend, so its just me and the little guy. We were wrestling on the sofa last night and I flipped him upside down. He does not particularly like it when I get the best of him to he very purposefully got up and very deliberately stomped out of the room.

He grabbed his homemade Spiderman mask, which is just a laminated piece of red construction paper with yarn to hold it up, and put it on. (He was also wearing Spiderman pajamas, if it helps the image).

He then stomped back into the room, without a word, and began 'spraying me' with web. This involved much hand motion (think middle two fingers in the palm, wrist up) and pshhhh pshhhh sounds. Very deliberately, and with the air of being very angry, he 'sprayed' for almost a minute.

Then he lifted up the mask and said:

Mommy, do NOT flip over Clownfish or I will have to get Spiderman again.

He replaced the mask, and I got a few more pshhhs for good measure, before he walked out and put the mask away.

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P.S. This is the 100th post with 'Clownfish' as a label.

MILP #92

Originally posted at OND. Re-posted here for posterity.

Welcome to the weekly MILP (Moms in Legal Practice) roundup #92. The roundup is hosted on a rotating basis between me, Butterflyfish, and PT-LawMom. Next week's roundup will be... back here again. Here's what the MILPs have been up to this week, taken completely out of context, of course:

• And You Know What Else: Can you tattoo a baby? I mean, how would you get the baby to stay still?
• A Year In The Life: Apparently I can only grow giant-sized monster babies
• Butterflyfish: I'm totally believable as a mechanical engineer.
• Cee: Apparently I missed the memo from the Swine Aviation Association notifying the public that pigs would be taking to the skies.
• Dakota: Flabbergasted, apprehensive, and hideous.
• Frequent Citations: Everyone is to get up and curtsy.
• Googiebaba: I have the ridiculous desire to shout out quasi militaristic slogans like “We stand with you in solidarity, Comrades!”
• LagLiv: My continued crush on my washer and dryer
• Legally Certifiable: Apparently the government wants me to quit paying on my student loans and buy a much larger house if I want to reduce my taxes
• LEO: Ate S'Mores Pop Tarts for lunch... you know, for that no-hassle pick me up
• Magic Cookie: Mighty Mac has two faces
• The Menagerie: Bad: Joining Weight Watchers during the Easter candy season
• Peanut Butter Burrito: smushing carrots and beans with her fingers when she's bored
• PT-LawMom: when he quoted Sandra Bullock from Ms. Congeniality, he had me.
• 3LWannabe: There are not enough sparkly days, I say.
• Trannyhead: Sort of like Dear Abby with a box on her head, a better rack, and lots more hawt snorting.
• Wonkness: Save the Bankers, Screw the People.

Trial practice

My trial is one week away. Opening, direct of one witness and cross of one witness. My partner is doing the closing and the rest. I should probably get on that.

Tonight I am expert witnessing for another trial.

I'm totally believable as a mechanical engineer, right? Because I am so mechanically inclined.

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Over 80,000 visitors. Woo.