I recently found out that a woman who was one of my son's teachers at his daycare just had a miscarriage at 20 weeks. The kids at the daycare all knew about the pregnancy. They had just held a baby shower for her. She miscarried on Mother's Day and hasn't been back to work since--she probably won't be back actually. She's gone to be with her military fiancee in another state, which was where she was going after the baby was born anyway.
All this makes me wonder when its really safe to tell Clownfish about the pregnancy. I mean, I know there are no guarantees at any point. But I had planned to tell him at 16 weeks. And I probably still will. But I'm open to suggestions.
Tell him, and tell others. It is better to have people who love you both enjoy the anticipation of a new child, and grieve the loss if something does happen. It is much harder to explain the roller coaster of emotions a miscarriage causes if they didn't know you were pregnant. I'm not saying tell just anyone, but do share your joy (and fears) with those close to you.
ReplyDeleteAs for clownfish specifically, kids are amazingly perceptive and have a huge capacity to grasp things we think are too complex for them...trust him, and trust your own instincts as a Mom on how much detail to share with him.
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ReplyDeleteWell, for me I started telling once (1) it would show anyway and (2) I knew the emotions would be too great to keep private.
ReplyDeleteYou have to figure, it wouldn't get any easier to explain the arrival of a preterm birth at 24, 26, or 28 weeks, right? Some preparation would help him understand exactly what was going on and why you guys might feel upset or anxious or whatnot. I agree that explaining after the fact for something late term might be harder than if he'd been prepared in some way beforehand.
I don't know if that helps, but you know. My 2 cents. (and yay! by the way. Congrats on every day that passes!)
I agree with Dinei...technically, anything can happen at any point, so it will just drive you crazy to arbitrarily pick some gestational age where things should be fine. If it were me, I would tell him either when it's physically obvious or when everyone else knows and is talking about it in front of him.
ReplyDeleteHow heartbreaking! I'm so sorry. I had a miscarriage earlier this year, at only five weeks. It was weird because I hadn't told my closest friends that I was pregnant, but then I needed help mourning, and so it was awkward. I've decided that we never know what will happen, and prayerfully my little peanut at 15 weeks will hold in there. But I think we need to tell the people in our families and that we're close to so that they can mourn/rejoice with you. I think you should tell your son, because one way or the other, he'll see your joy or sadness and want to understand it.
ReplyDeleteHow devastating!! Still, you have to know how rare that is. :( And ultimately, life and death are part of life. My poor son had to deal with the death of three of my grandparents and one of my aunts in the span of a year. It really opened his eyes and made him ask some very insightful questions. Not that I recommend it...
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