So I have mentioned that I am starting a new job in September, another one year job, the "F**k you Lucy" job. And I am due in January.
I have not mentioned the pregnancy to anyone yet -- its too soon, too much can happen. My sister and husband know. And you all. That's it. Not even my mom.
But I have been in touch with someone at the job who was pregnant during her term. More specifically, she gave birth during the month before her term and took time off at the beginning and then had a modified schedule for months thereafter. I've been pumping her for info without revealing my motivation -- its easy enough to get someone to talk about the challenges of being a working mommy when you're also a working mommy.
Yesterday, she said something scary to me. She said she was the first person -- ever -- in the history of the job to give birth at a time that it affected her term. I thought that was highly unlikely -- that they must have protocols in place for this sort of thing -- but it is apparently true. And she noted how glad she was it wasn't in the middle of the year. Umm...
Andrea (PBB) noted: I've always been a believer in making the personal life choices that I wanted to regardless of whether it was the perfect time, and making the rest of my life adapt.
I am trying hard to adopt that attitude.
I feel your stress on this. And I'll tell you what I'm telling myself (regarding my super secret plan to get pregnant, like, as soon as I start my new job in October) -- People Have Babies. And people don't always plan for those babies. It's a fact of life.
ReplyDeleteI think as long as you present it as Oops, I'm Having a Baby instead of HaHa! I Fooled You Because Now I'm Having a Baby! I think you will be OK. Have a plan, articulate that plan, and keep everyone informed of any changes to the plan.
But what do I know, I don't have kids yet and I'm just trying to tell myself the best story possible so I don't similarly freak out about taking maternity leave within my first year at my new job.
(At least with your next job, you know that it's a term position, so it wasn't going to last forever anyway. Also, I think I remember ages ago reading a law mommy blog by a woman who unexpectedly got pregnant and had a baby about four months from the end of her one-year position, and she made it work, though I think I recall that she took the barest minimum of maternity leave.)
Prioritizing family over work seems like such a simple decision, but it's remarkably complicated to do it on a consistent basis. However you manage it, I'm sure you'll find that narrow pathway between those two hurdles.
ReplyDeleteThat is bad timing. It sounds like they were flexible in the past, so hopefully you can work it out. Are you going to approach them with a proposal? What do you think it would be? Is the idea that at the end of the term it could turn into something permanent (it sounds like that's what happened with the other woman you mentioned) or is there no expectation of what will happen when the term is up? If the former, that would be a good thing, allowing you to discuss this position as a potential long-term relationship that a few months shouldn't affect that much.
ReplyDeleteCM -- no the other woman finishes her term the day I start. Its a one year gig, period. Very few are in the right place at the right time with the right relationships to make it more than that, so I am not counting on it.
ReplyDeleteI know I have to go with a proposal... I just don't know what to propose at this point.
i think the blog you're thinking of is "balancing act" - i think she had a federal clerkship and had her baby in may, came back in june (i think), and went through august. check her archives. she's pregs with number 2 now!
ReplyDeleteIt's going to be okay. Maybe they'll laugh it off as "something in the water." The question is whether you can compromise on how long you will be off post-birth. Our "oops" instead of a plan means that I will only get six weeks home again. Not at all what I had hoped for. :( But we're making adjustments on the home front to make it work. Don't let yourself get too stressed.
ReplyDeleteJust because it hasn't happened before doesn't mean that they'll be horrible and awful about understanding where you are coming from. If you sound confident that you'll be able to make whatever you propose to do work, I think they'll probably trust you and work with that. So maybe you just take a few weeks off when the baby is born, then come back slowly, part-time or working from home at first. Maybe you offer to add whatever chunk of time you take off to the end of your term. Maybe you just have to take whatever maternity leave you get completely unpaid. Just be confident that there is some solution workable for you and them. Life happens and gets in the way of our best laid plans. If you can get through law school with a kid, some of it on your own, you can do this too.
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