So I told a supervisor-type person at work that I am pregnant.* I said it happily, the way you'd expect a 30something married mommy-to-be co-worker to report the news. She said, Huh, thought you had gained weight. (Mental response: Hey, bitch, I've lost 15 pounds!) I didn't get mad... she's the kind who says mean and/or socially inappropriate things under the guise of 'kidding' all the time and I'm inured to it.
One of my coworkers was absolutely enraged on my behalf, though. She spent the afternoon trying to think of a more inappropriate response. So I present, the top five more inappropriate things to say to a female co-worker who has just announced her pregnancy.
#5 "Is it yours?"
#4 "So you're disabled now..."
#3 "Ewww.Parasitic growth."
#2 "Can I touch your breasts?"
#1 "Are you keeping it?"
I invite you all to please top these.
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This was not the big boss. I told her a while ago and she was nothing but awesome about it. This is not the same as telling the Lucy job. That conversation is yet to come. I thought of this as a practice run....
At the firm I was clerking for I got these two as well (oh, I didn't get offered a job at this place...see these comments for what you will, but I'm thinking the pregnant had a little something to do with it):
ReplyDelete#1: "Well, was this pregnancy planned cause ... I mean you are in your last year of law school after all."
Gee asshole, I realize the timing isn't swell, but quick thought, would you have asked the male clerk this same question?
#2: "Well, you never know, most women just something in them makes them realize they have to stay at work after the baby is born."
Great, I just asked you for a job and this was your response...I see you have a lot of faith in me.
Damn, I meant stay at home....that made that comment much less dramatic.
ReplyDeleteWhen I told a partner at my old firm that I was getting married he, no joke, looked at my seriously and asked when I would be leaving the firm. Seriously? Just because I'm getting married you think I don't have to work anymore, geez it's not the 50's.
ReplyDeleteIf I was pregnant and someone said #3 to me I would slap them a high-five and say, "You know it," but that's just me.
ReplyDeleteAwful responses -
1. Do you know who the father is? ...Are you sure?
2. What? Are you too stupid to figure out how to properly use a condom?
3. Well, that's the end of your life as you know it.
4. At what stage can they do testing for fetal alcohol syndrome to make sure the baby's ok?
5. Aren't you a little old to be having kids?
6. Wow, I always thought you were the type to do something more with your life.
7. And what else are you carrying as a result of that act?
8. That sucks. I hope the sex was worth it. Do you even remember it?
9. Great, now you have an excuse for being bitchy and lazy.
10. Really, Ana. You're the last person on this earth who should be procreating.
Oh wait - thought of few more...
ReplyDelete-Really? You needed a tax credit *that* badly?
-Huh. I didn't even think you could get pregnant given the amount of pot that your boyfriend smokes.
-Your husband's had a busy month. The paralegal down the hall is pregnant too.
- Why do people always think that having children is the answer to their marital problems?
*bows before Ana*
ReplyDeleteI'M NOT WORTHY.
Here's one that was actually said to me:
ReplyDelete"Ohh, my sister was pregnant, but she just lost the baby at five months. Hope that doesn't happen to you."
How'd that happen?
ReplyDeleteHow soon can you get paternity testing?
Oh, and you're having twins!
Wow, and you're my mom's age!
Wow and you're my mom's age.... ouch. I'm 35. A sixteen year old could totally say that to me credibly. That would hurt.
ReplyDeleteHow about...
ReplyDelete1. So, you know, once you have the thing, your boobs are gonna leak anytime someone cries around you.
2. Do you know who the father is?
3. What were you thinking?
4. If you breatfeed, that kid is gonna tear your nipples up.
Yup... those would all be pretty inappropriate.
I think this one takes the cake (mostly because it was actually said to someone I know):
ReplyDelete"I hope it's white."
And other various gems:
"If it's born retarded, leave it in a dumpster."
"I hope it's better looking than your husband."
"Ugh, I don't envy you!"
ReplyDelete"Wow, was that planned?!?" (Shamefully I admit that this one DID fly out of my mouth to a male colleague at 21. Yes, I am horrible. As soon as I said it, I realized what a dicky thing that was to say! It was their third in like three years and I was stupid. Ouch.)