I've been happily awaiting my last day of work, which is tomorrow. I haven't looked at this day with sadness or dread at all because, based on every discussion I had with my boss, I had a job to come back to. I haven't said goodbye to anyone because I'm just going out on maternity leave... I'll be back in a few months. And won't it be great!! Yay!!
Today I was told that, well, maybe I won't have a job to come back to.
I'll be blunt. This fucking sucks. I've made plans for daycare etc. starting in September on the promise of a secure re-start date. Now, maybe not. Now, maybe I have to spend my leave looking for a job. And interviewing. And potentially facing decisions like taking a job that starts before I was ready to return to work. And that's in the best case scenario... because the worst case scenario is that, come September, I won't have a job.
AND I'll have blown our (carefully built but meager) savings by paying for a part-time slot at Angelfish's daycare between now and September in order to assure full time spots for both girls come this fall. Which, if I'm unemployed, I'll have to give up anyway.
Baby girl is coming on Wednesday, ready or not. I was feeling a little not ready before my employment situation got turned upside down. (A 'little not ready' = Bullshark's on Reserves... I have the kids alone all weekend... what if I go into labor? ... I still haven't packed a bag... I'd better go through the newborn clothes and pick out the spring stuff... is there any spring stuff? ... how the hell do we generate this much laundry in two weeks? Basically, a somewhat stressful, but manageable, situation.)
My employment was the one thing I wasn't worried about.
And now I kind of want to cry ... and I really don't want to go in tomorrow, feeling like I'm gonna cry.
(No, no, lawyer friends. No violations of the law or anything here -- I still get every minute of my unpaid "leave" if I want it. Its just that I have a term position... if I take my full leave, my term will expire while I'm out. I was under the impression -- hell, I was told -- that I was coming back for another term. Today I was told that no decisions have been made. So while it may all work out, nothing is as assured as I have believed that it was....)