Thursday, April 12, 2012

Rug pulled

I've been happily awaiting my last day of work, which is tomorrow.  I haven't looked at this day with sadness or dread at all because, based on every discussion I had with my boss, I had a job to come back to.  I haven't said goodbye to anyone because I'm just going out on maternity leave... I'll be back in a few months.  And won't it be great!!  Yay!!

Today I was told that, well, maybe I won't have a job to come back to. 

I'll be blunt.  This fucking sucks.  I've made plans for daycare etc. starting in September on the promise of a secure re-start date.  Now, maybe not.  Now, maybe I have to spend my leave looking for a job.  And interviewing.  And potentially facing decisions like taking a job that starts before I was ready to return to work. And that's in the best case scenario... because the worst case scenario is that, come September, I won't have a job.

AND I'll have blown our (carefully built but meager) savings by paying for a part-time slot at Angelfish's daycare between now and September in order to assure full time spots for both girls come this fall.  Which, if I'm unemployed, I'll have to give up anyway.

Baby girl is coming on Wednesday, ready or not.  I was feeling a little not ready before my employment situation got turned upside down.  (A 'little not ready' =  Bullshark's on Reserves... I have the kids alone all weekend... what if I go into labor? ... I still haven't packed a bag... I'd better go through the newborn clothes and pick out the spring stuff... is there any spring stuff? ... how the hell do we generate this much laundry in two weeks?  Basically, a somewhat stressful, but manageable, situation.)

My employment was the one thing I wasn't worried about.
 
And now I kind of want to cry ... and I really don't want to go in tomorrow, feeling like I'm gonna cry.

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(No, no, lawyer friends.  No violations of the law or anything here -- I still get every minute of my unpaid "leave" if I want it.  Its just that I have a term position... if I take my full leave, my term will expire while I'm out.  I was under the impression -- hell, I was told -- that I was coming back for another term. Today I was told that no decisions have been made.  So while it may all work out, nothing is as assured as I have believed that it was....)   

9 comments:

  1. Dude. That blows. I'm so sorry.

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  2. Oh BFF I'm so sorry. So sorry. I hope that it all works out anyway and it's all just a bunch of extremely unnecessary stress (which also just SUCKS because like you need any extra stress).

    On a slightly separate note, holy crap you're having a baby next week?! I know I've been out of the loop, but how has 9 months gone by so fast? (To me, not sure how fats it's gone for you ;)

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  3. I'm so sorry. That really does fucking suck. And who had the balls to deliver this news to a woman days away from childbirth? I want to go punch someone for you.

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  4. That really, really blows. As usual, I wish we lived closer so I could at least offer to help or come up with some connections for you. Any indication as to what changed? Did they lose a grant or are they just being tools?

    And oh my god, baby so soon!! Thinking of you, hoping for a wonderful arrival.

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  5. I am so sorry, that absolutely sucks. If there's anything I can do for you, please let me know. Take some deep breaths and focus on your immediate task which is welcoming your new little fish on Wednesday :)

    I was in a similar situation when I was on leave (I didn't even have daycare lined up) and understand how stressful this is. I somehow got through it and I know you will too. You're strong and smart (much more than I was).

    Again for what it's worth, let me know if you need anything! I'll be looking forward to your future posts of your new addition :)

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  6. So sorry! You were supposed to have peace of mind during this time.

    Hugs. Hoping for some bright ray of sunshine to carry you through tomorrow.

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  7. Not cool! I'm so excited about meeting Fish #3 though. Can't wait!

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  8. How exciting. I can't wait to hear all about how new baby is. The news sucks, and I am unimpressed. How shameless of them to do that to you so close...

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  9. I'm with LC. Whose knees can we break?!? Hope the news on renewal of your term comes swiftly because I am sure that anxiety will put a damper on your leave. :(

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