And then he suggested I brush up on my golf game

Dad: So how's the summer job going?

Me: You know how I have always said I really like going to law school but wasn't so sure I would like being a lawyer?

Dad: Yeah . . .

Me: I kinda like being a lawyer.

Dad: Ah . . . I was afraid of that.

How we saved about $100 and our sanity

Bullshark and I bought some fabric (Lightening McQueen!) on sale and made some darker curtains for Clownfish's windows.

Now he hopefully won't wake up with the sun and fight bedtime while its still bright out . . . as much.

I can't operate a sewing machine, but I am grateful that I married a man who can.

I can pin like nobody's business though.

_______________________________
What's gonna work? Teamwork! (For the Mommies -- I hope the song is stuck in your head now!)

Tee-ball monster

Today was Clownfish's first tee-ball game (as opposed to practice):

• Player #9 tackling anyone trying to field the ball because he wanted to field it.
• Player #11 travelling from second to third stopped running to chase a ball that miraculously made it out of the infield.
• Player #8 hit the ball and ran toward third.
• Player #12 (Clownfish) bending down and playing with the infield dirt instead of watching where the hit ball went. . . and Player #1, who had just hit a nice shot up the third base line, left the baseline to join him instead of taking first.
• Player #9 moved to first base so he could be involved in every play without hurting others.
• Freaked out by the cheering for a decent hit, Player #13 running past first base screaming MOMMY, and right into his mother's knees.
• Player #9 chasing kids down the first base line and throwing balls at their heads while coaches scream "Just tag the bag!!"
• Player #9's mother pushing me out of the way so she could take a photo of her darling . . . just as he almost knocked over my kid.
• Player #12 (my boy) took to the plate for the third time, and the coach yelled "big hitter, look alive."
• Player #9's mother swearing at the coach for making her kid cry because he spoke to him sternly.
• Player #12's mother hip-checking Player #9's mother off the bleachers.
• Ok, no I didn't. I just thought about it.

Tax man cometh

Background: my brother is in his mid-20's and has never done his own taxes, until this year. (I've always done them.) He figured he'd try the free tax software on-line because he is a grad student and his taxes aren't that complicated.

An instant messenger conversation from yesterday:

Brother (4:58:15 PM): question abt taxes
Me (4:58:23 PM): sure what up
"Brother" (4:58:31 PM): turbotax says NYS is giving me a 25,000 dollar refund... thats probably wrong right
Me (4:58:45 PM): ummm yeah
Me (4:58:53 PM): you didn't make that much
Me (4:58:56 PM): right?
"Brother" (4:59:15 PM): Federal Adjusted Gross Income$10,105 Standard Deduction$7,500 Satte Taxable Income$2,605 State Tax Withholding$25,192 Total Payments$25,192 Overpayment Net Refund$25,132
"Brother" (5:00:02 PM): make sense to you?
Me (5:00:27 PM): yes you made a typo someplace ... when you typed in your w2, there is a box that shows how much was withheld
Me (5:01:22 PM): you typed in the wrong amount -- it seems to think you paid 25,192 in state taxes
"Brother" (5:01:23 PM): oh okay... let me go back
"Brother" (5:03:32 PM): 251.17 is less than 25117.00
"Brother" (5:03:34 PM): haha
Me (5:03:39 PM): ha!
Me (5:03:48 PM): glad you caught it
"Brother" (5:03:49 PM): that would have been sick to have turbo tax direct deposite that into my account though
"Brother" (5:03:54 PM): AUDIT
Me (5:03:48 PM): ummmm, arrested???
"Brother" (5:04:06 PM): ride out the statute of limitations
. . .

"Brother" (5:07:57 PM): im pretty proud of myslef... next year i will file on april 13th
"Brother" (5:08:02 PM): as i get better and better
"Brother" (5:08:31 PM): state refund 266 dollars... damnit
Me (5:08:38 PM): that's good for state
"Brother" (5:08:45 PM): its no 25 Gs

. . .

Brother" (5:18:53 PM): all i have to do is file by today and i get the bush(shit) money?
Me (5:19:04 PM): yep
"Brother" (5:19:08 PM): f yeah
Me (5:19:42 PM): good to know the economic stimulus package is what motivated you to file on time this year
"Brother" (5:19:52 PM): haha
"Brother" (5:20:07 PM): well other than that i would have called you and begged you to file an extenion and had you do it
Me (5:21:42 PM): *sigh* just like last year... thanks for the memories...

Problem solving, 3-year-old style

Background: Bullshark is gone doing Navy stuff this week. I'm back to single-Mommy-law student.

CF: Papa is allergic to dogs? And cats?
Me: Yes.
CF: But Papa is gone for a few days?
Me: Yes.
CF: So we can get a puppy! Or a kitten! Because Papa is not here to be allergic!
Me: What will we do when Papa comes home?
CF: We'll get the puppy or kitty a NEW home. But we can have one now, right?

I really do love the way he thinks.

Conversations with boys

My dad: So how much longer til you're a lawyer?

Me: A year and a half of classes, then I have to pass the bar.

My dad: Ah, well, I've passed a lot of bars in my day (*beat*) Come to think of it, no, I hardly ever pass bars. I tend to go in and check them out.

* * *

My brother: So, congrats on the new class rank. Mom told me. I guess that makes you XX percent better than the other lawyers. You know what they call lawyers who graduate the bottom of their class? Esquire.

Me: Only if they pass the bar.

My brother: What's it matter? You're all gonna flood the unemployment rolls in about two years. Speaking of, no job yet, huh?

(Note: My brother is working on a grad degree in some esoteric (read: unemployable) field and has never held a real job in his life. Pot? Hello? This is the kettle. You're black.)

* * *

Me: Hey, why don't I make dinner tonight?

Bullshark: So are you calling for pizza or calling for wings?

* * *

Clownfish: I am pretending to be a goose! Honk! Honk!

Me: (just arriving home) Well come, give me a hug.

Clownfish: I can't! I have wings! I don't have arms! I'm a goose! Honk! Honk!

What's going on?

Paragraphs of randomness:

My externship is going very well so far. The work is challenging, the people are nice, and I am being exposed to many new and different things. 1L Summer Job did not expose me to broad areas of law and procedure, so this has been excellent, and a needed addition to my education.

I do hate paying for parking at externship site. Its a budget buster. Looking into other options. (No, its not on-site, and no its not reimbursable by the placement).

We signed Clownfish up for T-Ball. Its a league for boys and girls aged 3-4. He's looking forward to it, as are we.

My afternoon class was cancelled so I joined "my boys" in a little pick-up soccer game at the park. Clownfish has good footwork and passing skills . . . and he only tripped over the ball a few times.

Have yet to receive any feedback on the latest draft of my Note, and I am perfectly fine with that . . . feedback would mean work, and I am loath to do more work right now.

I am no one to talk, but that was a large woman on American Idol last night. I usually like the pre-season audition episodes, but the freak show nature of it far far FAR outweighed the entertainment value of marginal singers trying to bust out a Whitney Houston ballad. I may have to forgo this season.

My sentiments exactly

BS: Clownfish, eat some more pasta please.

CF: My tummy is all fulled up.

BS: Oh, then I guess you have no room for a chocolate treat?

CF: I have just enough room for a chocolate treat.

F**k square 87

Queen Frostine is a slut, gingerbread men come at inopportune moments, square 87 can kiss my ass, and other lessons from Christmas.

In case the above didn't clue you in, I played lots of CandyLand and Chutes and Ladders and other pre-schooler-type board games over Christmas. Only considered a dozen different ways to end my own life.

There are 100 squares in Chutes and Ladders. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to get to #100. And you can feel good while doing it -- you do some "good deeds" and you climb ladders. You eat cookies like a naughty urchin and the chutes send you down the number line. But you don't actually have to be guilty of these offenses -- when the spinner of fate lands you on the dreaded Square 87, your ass is back in the low 20's, thus prolonging the pain.

Its the ultimate Mommy blasphemy to say you don't love love love board games with your sweet cherub, but I don't. He beat my brother and I in his first game of CandyLand. Between the two of us "adults" we've probably got 40 years of experience playing the game. Clownfish double purpled and Gumdrop Pathed his way to victory. We got f**king pwned by a noob.

Clownfish didn't gloat too much. His "victory dance" only lasted a minute or two. It involved a lot of butt-shaking and air-spanking. And really, its cute that he yells "who's your daddy, bitch!" every time I get sent down a chute or stuck in licorice. Really, it was the running-around-the-house for "High Fives" from all the relatives as he sang "Mommy got pwned" that started to grate on the nerves.

* * *

Ok, truth. Clownfish is awesome to play with -- he doesn't cry when he loses and says "Good game Mommy" when he wins. And I do enjoy spending time with him. But the games themselves? Hot poker through the eye is more appealing, if only because the pain eventually stops.

* * *


I had a friend recently tell me my blog is funny, you know, when its not sad. I've decided to call that a compliment.

Also no additional grades have posted yet to lift my spirits / send me looking for the nearest bottle of liquor. Rest assured, when they do, you'll hear about it.

Day off

Family photo.
Mall.
Set up tree and all the fun family traditions that go with that.
Didn't think about exams at all, which is awesome.
Talked to my mom and I am supposed to be going through the "double-you, double-you, world wide" to find her a specific song she heard on the television.

Clownfish: I get a surprise for us.
Me: Ok, sweetie (*adding balls to tree*)
*rummaging in the kitchen, chair being dragged across floor*
Clownfish: Look what I got! I got us a snack!

He brought in a container of chocolate yogurt and three spoons, one for each of us.

I love this kid.

I think I got off easy

The scariest words in the English language as uttered by a pre-schooler:

Look what Grandma got me!!!

Today that meant blinking shoes, bubblegum lollipops (from which he was banned until age 5), and some toy cars.

*Sigh*

Could have been worse. Could have been a puppy.

Thanksgiving meme

A. Things I'll Eat Today

1) Turkey
2) Mashed Potatoes
3) Apple Pie
4) Veggies and dip
5) Corn

B. Things I Won't Eat Today

1) Giblets
2) Sweet potatoes
3) Pumpkin pie
4) Pecan pie
5) less than 3000 calories ... mmm... food coma

C. Things I'm Ambivalent About

1) Gluttony
2) Holiday shopping
3) Law school exams
4) Thanksgiving television fare (football and giant balloons)
5) Law review

D. Things That Can Bite Me

1) Family Law
2) Two exams within 24 hours
3) Law firms that sent more than one rejection letter (I get it, asshole!!)
4) Law firms that didn't hire me
5) Bus. Ass.

E. Things I'm Thankful For

1) Clownfish
2) Bullshark here and safe this year
3) Thanksgiving at my sister's house (plus her Hubby and my Niece and Ben the Bird) with my parents and my brother and his fiancee -- so good we're all healthy and living in the same time zone...
4) My extended family and dear friends, none of whom know about this blog but for whom I am thankful nonetheless
5) MILS, Mommy Lawyers, and all my bloggy buddies, especially the one who checks up on me when the tone of the blog gets a little down. You know who you are. Thank you.


Hat Tip: Corndog.

Last night at our house

Does Clownfish look drunk to you?

Beats, Joe Mathlete.

Its the most wonderful time of the year

I feel like dancing through the color-saturated set of Pushing Daisies. Tra-lala...

Why?

I'm not cooking Thanksgiving dinner. I'm not hosting Thanksgiving dinner. I spent no time cleaning my house this weekend, or cooking, or panicking about apple pies and sides and defrosting frozen turkeys.

I get to go to my sister's house with some token dessert and flowers and my family.

Sure, I'll help out that night, probably rinse some dishes for the dishwasher and/or entertain the kids.

But I am not cooking.

Tra-la-la.

* * *

I AM however studying. A lot. Because this semester sucked and I had too much going on to consistently read and/or outline.

F*ck.

Reading evidence at 5:30 AM has a way of ruining my good mood.

It is as it does

More stupid:

A parking ticket for parking on the street in front of our house facing the "wrong" way.

Its a totally residential area, bordered by even more residential area on all sides. There are 10 houses on my block, total. Some people on our block do it daily (narrower driveway plus conveneince of entering the street from the north side equals "illegal" parking). We've been in the house four years, and one of us have parked the car that way on average once or twice a month (we widened our driveway so it comes up less often). This morning, literally everyone on the block parked on "our" side of the street got a ticket.

Post-mayoral election funding I guess.

Overheard on a Sunday

Bullshark: Clownfish, tell me about your truck. Is it a crane?

Clownfish: Its a crane.

BS: But what does a crane do?

CF: It hooks up using a hook and picks stuff up high in the air. But you knew that already Papa.


I love it when your three year old calls you out.

For the Mommies

Everything a Mommy says in a day.... sung to the William Tell overture in about 2 and a half minutes. Very good, stick with it to the end.

With a bullet

Hasn't been a substantive post here in a while as I too have succumbed to the busyness of the end of summer. So here's what's been going on:

• Last day of summer job is Friday. A summer "by the numbers" is coming later this week or early next. Or never.
• First day of 2L is Monday.
• This sucks.
• I have not bought books yet and if any of my professors think I am reading an assignment for the first day with all I have going on this week, they're high.
• No, I haven't heard from Law Review yet. Think I should hear next week.
• I haven't heard back from any firms to whom I've submitted resumes for OCI, but then no one has yet . . . way to go [Myschool].
• We took Clownfish to a much bigger museum than our local one to see more dinosaurs. I think he would ahve liked it better if it had been less crowded, if he'd had his nap, and if we would have let him run loose to explore at his own speed. But it was ok.
• Clownfish is staying at Grandma's this week, so Bullshark and I went to the movies last night.
• Bourne Ultimatum does suffer from a distinct lack of ultimatums (hat tip Zuska and Ismael for beating me to that observation). It was a good movie but there was one part that just struck me as totally unbelievable. . . the scene with the East River. Oh, no, not a that part -- I am willing to suspend incredulity for the plot . . . I mean the fact that anything in the East River was visible at more than 6 inches.

Ok, that's about that.

Oh, its Bullshark's birthday tomorrow and I'll be at a firm event until late, so I guess he's having a disappointing end of summer too.

Mixed feelings

Clownfish is mad at me.

Well, not so much mad at me as (temporarily?) more enamored with Bullshark. Bullshark is around more now -- school is out for summer -- and mommy is working and commuting.

In the evening, when I'm home in time, Clownfish rarely wants anything to do with me. He'd rather play instead of help me cook dinner.* And he'd rather not let me play along with him, or tell me stories, or read books.

Saturday morning family time . . . Bullshark is getting the snuggles and attention and the imaginary cookies and pretend milk.

Clownfish snuggled up on Bullshark's chest and emphatically told me to go away.

Ok, I am happy that they're really bonding and have an excellent relationship. But I am also a little jealous and sad. I haven't gotten a hug all day. I think Mommy is being punished for being away so much.

I am keeping on a happy face because it would be wrong to guilt my child into giving me a little love or attention.

But a tiny *tiny* part of me wants Clownfish to stub his toe or bang his elbow, because no matter who the "favorite" parent is at any given moment, he always brings his boo boos to me -- the Mommy with the magic kisses that make the pain go away.

I am a terrible person.



* Bullshark cooks dinner too -- he grills outside, I do the salad or veggies and/or starch. So its not like I work all day and then slave over a hot stove -- didn't want to falsely give that impression.

Zoo haiku

Giraffes, elephants, tigers
Happy pre-schooler
Tired parents drink much wine