Footwear

Let me set the record straight on Crocs for those who were not already aware of these facts: Crocs are ugly. Crocs are stupid-looking. Crocs remind me of all that is frumpy in this world. I never wanted to own a pair so I could continue to look down upon those that wore them.

When tried on my husband's Crocs, it was just to run out to the mailbox on a wet day. I swear.

I now own a pair of Crocs. Light blue, a sort-of-neutral that goes with most of my casual wear.

They are super-comfy and apparently appropriate summer footwear for anyplace but work.

And I love them.

*hangs head in shame*

_____________________
I apparently sign onto footwear fads late. Recall the recent discovery of Uggs.

ClearBlue Easy

My sister is pregnant. Her best friend is pregnant. My best friend is pregnant.

Good news is I discovered how I end up torturing myself each month. Every month I spend about three to four days quietly excited that my period is late. Then I get it. This is probably something I should have figured out a long time ago, but I don't work on a 28 day cycle. Its more like 32 days.

Anyway, another negative.

Not fair

On my right cheek, I have one of those painful, ingrown zits that can't decide whether or not it want to erupt. Its been there since Friday. No amount of zit cream or (on the advice of a friend) toothpaste on my face overnight has made it go away.

I've always had really good skin, with the occasional time-of-the-month blemishes and that's it.

Lately, I've had random unexplained breakouts.

One is not supposed to develop acne and wrinkles at the same time.

Lawyer hair

It took me fifteen minutes to blow dry my hair today. That was after I towel-dried it and left it in a towel for at least 20 minutes while making lunch, etc.

Fifteen minutes in the bathroom running a hairblower while Clownfish played with dinosaurs. I timed it. That's really a very long time.

I did the same thing on Monday -- I am practicing my hair styling technique so I'll look more lawyer-y for my summer job. I have a nice hair cut, chin length all around, a little layering near the face. No bangs. When its blown straight, its sleek and neat and, well, lawyer-y.

But I never style my hair. I'm a wash-and-wear kind of person -- and I was that way long before I had a child. If I were going somewhere special, I'd take advantage of the natural wave and curl of my hair -- I throw in some product, blast it with heat for about two minutes, and go. That's the extent of my styling. It sometimes landed curly-cute, sometimes landed wavy-frizzy, and I really didn't care much either way.

But it doesn't look "professional" unless I make it straight. I've been told that if I work it consistently, it will go faster . . . hence my starting a week early.

Ms. JD had a recent discussion on hair length -- I had already decided to go shorter because it suits me, it suits my age, and it does look professional. But none of the commenters talked about the timing of hair styling. The assumption is shorter hair, less time. But unless you go pixie short (which would be disasterous on my big square head), that logic doens't fly. It doesn't take that long to put long hair into a professional-looking twist or braid.

Fifteen minutes seems like a looooooong time to spend pulling and combing and blowing for the sake of looking more professional.

Plus I'm probably going to have to start wearing make-up.

Yeesh.

Hiatus

I don't like it when bloggers disappear without explanation. It makes me think something terrible happened, like that they were hit by a car, instead of the more likely and more mundane reason, that they got too busy or too bored to blog. I also don't enjoy blogs wherein most of the posts are a breathless "too busy to write more, but I promise to be better. . . ." This is always especially ironic when its the most recent post and yet is over a few months old. I promised myself if I ever became that blogger I'd give up the game.

I am at a blogging crossroads. I haven't liked much of what I've posted lately, yet I am not ready or willing to quit. I've been blogging regularly since May 2006 and average 20 posts a month. I keep up with a ton of blogs and spend more time goofing off around the intertubes than I care to admit.

So to keep you from thinking I am trapped under heavy furniture,* I'm stepping back for finals period. Any time I have just tried to dial back a little, I end up not doing it. Like most things in my life, I'm not good at moderation when it comes to the blog. It is all or nothing.

So, this was a long way of saying the blog comes full-stop until May 10.

See you then.


Edited to add: you know I really thought about this for a while before I wrote this post. I really wanted to do this, to step back. Yeah... it didn't actually happen.
_______________________
* Bonus points to the first reader who gets the movie reference.

Intensity

I scare people, apparently.



_______________
I'd say the extra intensity comes from a series of family crises that has caused me to lose sleep, except I think I may be scary even when I'm not in crisis mode.

Curiosity

I think I became a teacher because I wanted to awaken in my students the kind of interest in a wide variety of things as my teachers has done for me. Clearly, I was a miserable failure in this regard and that's why I am going to be a lawyer. But that's not the point of this post.

In fourth grade, I did a project on Saturn. It involved factoids on a poster and a painted orange Styrofoam ball and pins and paper rings. I vaguely remember it being pretty poorly done, but my parents were from the school of thought that a kid should do her own science projects. Yet every time I see a television show or magazine article on Saturn, I always read it. That silly Styrofoam ball created in me a little bit of ownership in Saturn . . . its my planet.

I'm not saying I know more about Saturn than I know about, say tropical fish, but I know more about Saturn than I know about Uranus.

I had the same experience with a project on the Great Rift Valley and Evolution. I did a minor in Anthropology in college that can be directly linked to that paper I wrote in 8th grade. I trace my obsession with Sherlock Holmes directly to my 5th grade English teacher.

There are perhaps a dozen other topics about which I continue to be curious that I can trace directly to a project I did for school. Maybe I wasn't a miserable failure as a teacher, because teachers never really know where their influence stops. Maybe that is the point of this post.

How about you? Anything from elementary school that "stuck"?

Sunshine and hailstones

Playing "baby" with a stuffed bunny and a pre-schooler who wants to show me how good, how gentle he is with babies. And he shares his toys and sings songs and can be quiet at naptime too.
Peeing on a stick and seeing no hoped for pink line.
A loved one says something hurtful at a moment when you really didn't need that.
Standing in the shower until the hot water runs out.
And the weather is crazy.
My Saturday.

Temporary mortification?

I started this blog post on March 4:

I had one of those moments today -- you know the ones -- where I was publicly mortified and just wanted to crawl into a black hole and disappear in such a way that no one would ever remember I was born.

It's March 10 now. I have no idea what I was talking about. Clearly, it was short-lived.

Spent the weekend, just me and Clownfish. Went to a children's museum for about 5 hours.

F-i-v-e hours in a museum filled with gloppy messy loud yelling crying mewling running crashing rude other people's children and my angellic good-tempered kind sharing friendly upbeat fabulous pre-schooler who missed his nap.

Maybe that was such a healing experience it caused me to forget why I was so embarassed last Tuesday.

Wash, rinse, now what?

Socks before shoes.
Bra before top.
I think I need a checklist.

In the shower this morning, I had to stand and think to try to remember if I had already washed my hair.

Ever have one of those days

where you look at yourself and say

This is not my life.


I am having one right now.

Most unpleasant.

Arrrgh!

Now Britney Spears' 16 year old sister is pregnant too?

*frustrated angry grunting and muttering*

Its like these Spears girls see a man and its "oops I did ..." . . . no I won't even go there. There will be enough headlines pointing out the sickening irony of that song.

Its not often I hear of women (if you can call her that) getting pregnant and get angry or bitter or frustrated. Usually I get sad. Oh, you know happy for them and all. But sad for me.

This is the first time a yahoo headline made me just... frustrated? maybe ... enough to just instantly blog.

Oh, and Time Magazine? Putin? Really?? Could've sworn Al Gore had that locked. Maybe that's why you went with Putin.

wired in a fire

wired wide awake and working on family law. no i'm not, i'm doing this. but then i'll do family law. i have R.E.M. 'its the end of the world as we know it and i feel fine' stuck in my head.

thats great it starts with an earthquake birds and snakes and air-o-planes

Clownfish will undoubtedly have no pity and will awaken me with his usual cry

Mommy . . . help me!

coming in a hurry with the furies breathing down / your / neck.

at six-zero-zero. every night when he goes to bed, he says "Mommy I will see you at six-zero-zero." the time thing started back at the post where he became obsessed with digital clocks 5-4-4 look its 5-4-5 he's all about the time now

save yourself serve yourself world serves its own needs listen to your heart bleed

except it won't really be six-zero-zero because he tends to wake up around five-three-zero. and i'll be lucky if i slept a few hours be that point.

uh oh this means no fear cavalier renagade and steer clear tounrnament and tournament and tournament of lies

of course tomorrow is the day before my tax exam and i only recently discovered that my professor likes to f*ck with us by giving us depreciable assets with class lives and enough info to do a 168 rigamorole

the other night i tripped a nice continental drift divide

but then has the caveat of 'most favorable deductions' --- which apparently means 179 but i didn't know that so i've been depreciating the shit out of stuff that i was supposed to expense because she mentioned 179 in passing like once so now i have to learn that

leonard bernstein!

in my blearyheadedness clownfish'll be lucky i don't give him i don't know like a raw egg in his lunch box tomorrow

birthdayparty cheese cake jellybean boom

consistent capitalization and coherence are for suckers

right? right

its the end of the world as we know it and i feel fine

I think I got off easy

The scariest words in the English language as uttered by a pre-schooler:

Look what Grandma got me!!!

Today that meant blinking shoes, bubblegum lollipops (from which he was banned until age 5), and some toy cars.

*Sigh*

Could have been worse. Could have been a puppy.

Me, Interrupted

I'm getting back to good.

No, I'm not on a rollercoaster. Yes, I've been off meds for a long while. No, I am not currently drunk.

I know I just posted to say I didn't see things changing anytime soon. But a few things in my personal life that have been bringing me down have gotten . . . well, a lot better.

Amazing what a few heartfelt conversations can do.

Moreover, I asked for the help of a friend. I almost never do that. All she did was watch Clownfish on short notice for about an hour. But I hardly ever do that. The fact she did it willingly, without hesitation, when it was inconvenient for her to so do, amazes me probably more than it should. I mean, I'd do that for anyone. It just really doens't occur to me that others will as well.

I remember last winter when I was sick right before finals and Bullshark was in Iraq ... I may not have blogged about it. I drove to the emergency room about 2:00 AM, Clownfish in tow, because I was so sick and in so much pain and didn't know what to do. I know a Mom who, had I called at 2:00 AM, would have gladly taken Clownfish in for the night.

But I didn't call. I'm that reluctant to impose, I brought my child to an urban ER on a Friday night... well, Saturday morning I guess. As they say on Thomas the Tank Engine, "Luckily, no one was hurt."

Anyway, that was a long way to say a little help, asked for and given, goes a long way to make me feel less alone.

Not myself

Some have noted I've not been "myself" on the blog or in person lately.

It is true.

And I'm not talking about it here.

Which is also not like me.

Things will get better, I hope.

Until then, I'll continue to scribble off the occasional slapdash post and host the Roundup.

Bear with me.

Also: see 934 F Supp 1395

The kind of thing law students find funny. Motion to kiss my ass.

I was 28 for three years

I didn't plan to be... it wasn't a conscious thing. But for about three years, if you asked me my age, I'd say 28. And in my mind, my siblings remained their respective ages.

Last year, a few things happened that shook my out of my time-freeze. My younger sister turned 28, so it occurred to me I couldn't be 28 anymore. And I started law school, which was a cold shower of reality in so many ways. I was no longer in my twenties. I didn't fit in with those that were. Moreover, I became ok with it.

Angry Pregnant Lawyer beat me to the When Harry Met Sally... reference a couple of months ago.

So, instead, I present some of the results from Birthday Calculator.

Apparently, I am over sixteen billion minutes old.


You were born on a Saturday under the astrological sign Libra.
You were born in the Chinese year of the Rabbit.
Your Native American Zodiac sign is Raven; your plant is Ivy.
You were born in the Egyptian month of Choiach, the fourth month of the season of Poret(Emergence - Fertile soil).

Celebrities who share your birthday: Rachael Leigh Cook (1979) Alicia Silverstone (1976) Susan Sarandon (1946) Anne Rice (1941) Alvin Toffler (1928) Charlton Heston (1924) Buster Keaton (1895) Damon Runyon (1884) Rutherford B. Hayes (1822)

Your lucky day is Friday. Your lucky number is 6. Your ruling planet(s) is Venus.

There are 0 days till your next birthday on which your cake will have 32 candles.
Those 32 candles produce 32 BTUs,or 8,064 calories of heat (that's only 8.0640 food Calories!) .
You can boil 3.66 US ounces of water with that many candles.

Your birthstone is Tourmaline. Some lists consider these stones to be your birthstone: Opal, Jasper.

Your birth tree is Rowan, the Sensitivity Full of charm, cheerful, gifted, without egoism, likes to draw attention, loves life, motion, unrest and even complications, is both dependent and independent, good taste, artistic, passionate, emotional, good company, does not forgive.

The moon's phase on the day you were born was waning crescent.

As of 10/4/2007 10:55:21 AM EDT
You are 32 years old
You are 384 months old.
You are 1,670 weeks old.
You are 11,688 days old.
You are 280,522 hours old.
You are 16,831,375 minutes old.
You are 1,009,882,521 seconds old.

Kissing hands and shaking babies

Via Angry Pregnant Lawyer via two other sites, one of which has the password and link, though they may not still work.

According to some internet test that had smiley faces and frowny faces, these are my Top 20 Career Interests.

1. Lobbyist
2. Politician
3. Corporate/ Commercial Lawyer
4. Judge
5. Lawyer
6. Criminal Lawyer (I assume that means one who practices criminal law, not one who will be in need of such a person...)
7. Civil Litigator (not the uncivil kind)
8. Criminologist
9. Librarian
10. Career Counselor
11. Child and Youth Worker
12. High school teacher
13. Professor (my original career ambition)
14. Anthropologist (huh, this was my minor in college)
15. Activist
16. Public Policy Analyst
17. Communications Specialist
18. Political Aide
19. Writer
20. Critic


Notables from deeper in the list:
33. Special Education Teacher (my prior job)
39. Hotel desk clerk (really?)

Redux

Things haven't really changed since ... here.

I just keep faking it. Everything is fine. Move along. Nothing to see here.

Its exhausting.

Breaking

I've been doing really well lately emotionally. Feeling good most days, keeping my nose to the grindstone, spending a good chunk of time with the Clownfish and Bullshark at least three nights a week. Keeping it together, successfully juggling my commitments, feeling pretty healthy.

Yeah, ummm, not right now.

I'm tired. I'm depressed. I'm burned out. I'm fed up. I feel lost. I miss my sister. I miss my friends. I miss all the people in my life who knew me before law school, who don't give a shit about OCI or law review, and who will laugh with me and share a glass of wine.

I feel unhealthy. I feel awful. I got my period and was devastated, though I am ambivalent about trying again right now (as evidenced by my weight, unhealthy eating, lack of exercise, and failure to make and keep an OB appointment.)

This too shall pass. But it sucks right now.